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tourproven
Member
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Posted: 19 October 2009 10:59 pm |
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I'm single going on 3 years now and I just turned 37. I had previously been in a realtionship that lasted 10 years so I haven't had to think about this since I was 24. I'm going to be looking for a relationship in early 2010 (since I've moved on and all). It seemed like dating back in my early 20's was pretty easy, but I was thinking its probably going to be a bit different now that peoples lives in this age group are semi-established, etc. I am a bit worried about having to start all over again with someone. I guess online dating is popular now, but I don't know about that...
Any advice about what to do or what to expect?
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 20 October 2009 04:31 pm |
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I had a great time online dating. In our age group (I'm 39) I think it's turning into the main way to meet people. It was easy and fun. I've been to 3 weddings in the last 18 months, all of whom met on Match. And I know 3 others who met online too. All in the age range of 35 - 47.
I am someone who barely dated in their 20s or most of their 30s. Then I lost some weight, gained some confidence and I was off like a shot. But I could not have done that without the internet. Well, I guess I could have, but it was way easier to talk to someone via email then to approach people in the grocery store or whatever. (Bars - ick! Last thing I wanted to be was a 39 yr old barfly)
If you decide to try it the best advice I can give is to be open minded. I gave everyone equal treatment up front (well, within reason, if they seemed unstable or were obviously scuzzy I didn't), and ended up having a really good time with people whom I would have said were outside my "type".
The BF right now I met on Match last year and now we live together. On the surface he was definately not someone I would have imagined myself with. Now here we are
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tourproven
Member
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Posted: 20 October 2009 04:40 pm |
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Thanks Midge for the info!
So these sites...I guess you kinda 'shop' for people? Do you have an introduction of yourself, or video? Or is it just a description and photos? Did you get a lot of responses? I imagine its easier for girls than it would be for guys? Did you look up people and contact them, or just wait to be contacted?
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MidgeH
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 20 October 2009 08:52 pm |
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I have heard that it is a little easier for girls then guys, mostly because of sheer numbers. But I also think a lot of it is getting out what you put in. And managing your expectations.
I tried 2 sites and they were very different. On eHarmony you take all these quizes and personality profiles and then they match you up with people based on all the answers you give. At first you get a lot of matches but then it dwindles a little bit. Then, when you want to talk to someone or they to you you follow these steps that are basically swapping lists of likes/dislikes and helping you ask questions. Honestly it reminded me of a cosmo quiz. I liked this a lot at first because it really got me comfortable with give and take online and eleviated some of the burden. Even the rejection part is softer on eHarmony because they help you with it. After the cosmo quiz you can email or IM or whatever.
Match is more bar like. You can see everyone and make your own selections so it can seem overwhelming. And, maybe because eHarmony is so expensive, on Match there are a lot more weirdos to watch out for. No sir I just met, you cannot come over to my house with your shetland pony. That sort of stuff.
Odd thing though - the BF was on Match and eHarm at the same time I was - but eHarm didn't match us up.
In both cases girls will come to you - but most of them want you to come to them. I did approach a couple of people, but I liked it better the other way. Girl thing!
But just have fun with it! I mean really, I had a ball.
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 21 October 2009 05:57 pm |
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OH TOURS HERE I AM TO KEEP YOU ON YOUR TOES! ;) HEE HEE......I WAS A SINGLE MOM, AT 31 AND I WASNT REALLY INTO THE WHOLE CLUBBING SCENE, AND HADNT A HUGE GROUP OF FRIENDS BECAUSE MOST OF MY FRIENDS WERE WORK PEOPLE...
I TRIED YAHOO, EHARMONY AND SINGLEPARENTS.COM.....ALL DATING SITES. I MET A FEW PEOPLE WITH YAHOO, BUT NONE THAT EVER WENT FAR AS SERIOUS. EHARMONY (DONT LAUGH) TOLD ME I WASNT COMPATIBLE WITH ANYONE...AND SINGLEPARENTS I DID MEET A NICE MAN BUT HE LIVED IN DENVER AND I AM IN NEW MEXICO....WE ARE STILL FRIENDS BUT THAT WOULDNT HAVE WORKED BECAUSE NEITHER OF US WANTED TO MAKE A MOVE AND HE WAS ABOUT 15 YEARS OLDER THAN I.
I ENDED UP MEETING D WHEN I WAS IN REAL ESTATE, I WAS HIS AGENT. I WASNT EVEN THINKING ABOUT MEETING ANYONE, I WAS KINDA "DATING" DENVER BUT IT WAS JUST SOMETHING TO SAY I HAD IN MY LIFE, WE TALKED ON THE PHONE AND HAD MET IN PERSON TWICE...SO I WASNT LOOKING PER SE'. D AND I HIT IT OFF IMMEDIATELY, BUT I STILL DIDNT SEE HIM AS POTENTIAL, I MEAN HE WAS FROM DELAWAREA AND WHAT IF I DIDNT GET HIM A HOUSE HE WANTED ETC?
MONTHS LATER, AFTER HE HAD MOVED HERE AND SETTLED IN, HE CONTACTED ME AND THE REST IS HISTORY. FUNNY HOW THINGS WORK OUT.
I THOUGHT THAT EHARMONY WAS EXTREMELY THOROUGH BUT THEN, I NEVER MET ANYONE WHO REALLY MATCHED UP TO ME. I MET ONE MAN WHO WAS TOTALLY INTO HIS OWN THINGS.....AND WE REALLY HAD NOTHING IN COMMON YET THE SYSTEM TOLD US WE WERE A MATCH....SO I DONT KNOW ABOUT THAT ONE...ITS WORTH A TRY IF YOU WANT TO PAY FOR IT...
YAHOO IS REALLY A BEEF CAKE SITE AND HOTTIE SITE TO ME, I NEVER FELT LIKE I MET ANYONE WHO WASNT INTO TNA....AND I AM NOT THAT....LOL....
SITES ARE GOOD IF YOU DONT HAVE A LARGE CIRCLE OF FRIENDS OR WORK MATES I THINK....BUT TO EACH THEIR OWN. I BET MOST SINGLES HAVE TRIED IT ONCE OR TWICE.....
I THINK ODDLY ENOUGH THAT MY MOM WAS RIGHT, IT HAPPENS WHEN YOU STOP LOOKING! :) IT JUST HAPPENS WHEN YOU FINALLY START TO LOOK INTO YOURSELF AND FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT. BELIEVE ME I WAS THE LAST PERSON TO THINK I WAS GONNA MEET A GOOD GUY, AND LOOK HERE WE ARE ON 2 YEARS NOW.. WHO KNEW? JUST GOD OH AND MY MOM!!! LOL....
GOOD LUCK TOURS!!! :) JUST BE YOUR ENTERTAINING SELF AND WAIT AND SEE! :)
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tourproven
Member
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Posted: 22 October 2009 12:02 am |
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Thanks for the info BJD74, I think I will have to try a site or two when the time comes. I actually work from home, and my only contacts for the job outside the house are not women. I don't really see many new people at all, unless its at the gym or the grocery store. I'm not sure eharmony is the greatest idea....what about all the 'opposites attract' stuff? If you search for people with most of your same personality traits and likes, etc., then your basically dating yourself (which I'm currently already doing-lol). Besides, I hate myself. Just kidding.
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 22 October 2009 12:53 am |
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lol tours thats funny because i was just me and baby mj for the first two years of her life with me...everywhere i went she went too...so i always had my own date...lol....i got so used to it. that guy in denver used to talk the talk of getting down here many times for weekends, but like i said in like over a year, it was 2 visits....so well internet was how we dated...and phone when we could...lol.....i am closer to all you guys than i was her, but i wasnt totally alone i guess you could say....but it was a lame way to say you are seeing someone...lol...it was an experience. he was sad to lose me, oddly enough, but he couldnt get here to be with me, and i was in school and kinda interning as an asst to my broker back then, so i was more limited than ever financially. :(
maybe another time another place we would have been an item, but i am happy to have met him, and it got me more comfortable with dating...per se' cuz having a kid solo really doesnt just put you at the top of the datable list....esp with guys our age, or then, 32...all the dates i did have thru the internet were steps to the life i have now, i know that now..but then, i used to feel totally undatable..even though i was only like 180.....at top of pregnancy i was 255....but i was always cute...you know? anyway, then i was cute, but i just wasnt ready emotionally i think. again, didnt know that then. then, i wanted to be married like "yesterday" you know? but isnt it always that way? somedays i wish i was solo still, just because i really was starting to find myself in new ways with real estate, but i was working so much i missed alot of time with my daughter. i cant get that back. i think if i could have balanced myself better i could have become quite an agent...i just didnt know how to do it then. now, i dont have to worry....i can stay home with her and enjoy being a housewife, farmer, exercise guru...etcetcetc.. :)
sorry i went on and on, i should write a book! (beatles told me i should!)
its gonna happen tours.... maybe thru here?????? who knows what lies ahead??? :)
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Hellrazor
New Member
| Joined: | 6 July 2008 |
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| Posts: | 734 |
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Posted: 23 October 2009 02:59 pm |
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My advice wait til you finish your weight loss journey. The stress of weight loss is enough that you don't need to add dating in my eyes
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tourproven
Member
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Posted: 23 October 2009 04:43 pm |
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Thats a given Hellrazor, I"m going to hit my goal first. I figure I'd fair much better with the ladies then anyway!
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