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mj36
Senior Member
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Posted: 26 December 2008 11:26 pm |
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I just got some gift cards for Barnes and Noble with my credit card reward points, and I am ordering some more exercise DVD's right away. For Leslie's DVD, I have to go to the menu and select the first mile, then at the end of that mile, if I want to do another one (ie., 1,3,5) I would use my remote to go back to the menu and select the next one. I wish there was a way to program it in! The pace is 12 minute miles, so the DVD is a little more than an hour with warm up and cool down, a pretty fast pace.
Try not to beat yourself up about your parents. Your mom is wrong, you CAN tell them how to take care of her... because if they do not meet your standards, then you can restrict her going there without you. I would suggest very short visits until they start to take you seriously, or no overnight visits at all if the aftereffects make you that uncomfortable. Only you can decide if it is grandparents spoiling her or something more significant. I hope you work through it!
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 28 December 2008 06:26 pm |
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we had daveys party last nite, though only joe and angela showed up! it was a quiet(well, not with live music) but it was just the friends we truelly have, so that was all we needed. Heck we even went to bed by 11pm! we are getting old! :)
we still havent seen the parents, but that is ok with me. I know not what to say to them anyway. Davey is handling them for now, which is also alright with me.
i am up two pds today, but i cant be shocked. i had 4 michelob ultras at 74 cal. each, then i had cookie bites (i shared mostly with dogs since the cookies had passed their point of fresh????) brownie bites, tortilla chips and queso, fresh mozzerella and tomatoes with oregano and olive oil drizzled over top, home made pizza (2 or 3 small 1.5 in squares not a big slice, all snacky sized items ) I dont know how bad i did, i just know i grazed and never sat to eat. GOod or bad i dont know?
I ordered two new videos from Leslie yesterday. I ordered a yoga video and a 5 mile walking video, should be here within 14 days. I am excited to try some yoga!! I have done it before, but i havent really done it in about 3 years, so i cant wait to see what my new body can do!!
its a lazy day, I am washing clothes and kinda watching tv but nothing really on today.
I may get some exercise in, but again...being lazy and kinda fighting a small headache, earache, tooth ache sort of feeling in my head. I know its not the beer, I drank it too early in the evening and didnt drink too much. In fact, before bed i was already drinking orange juice.
Just a quiet day. New years is around the corner!!! We have until the 31st until our mortgage payment is officially one month late. I am hoping we will hear from our mortgage refinance situation on monday. I understand that they know our urgency to avoid getting a late payment on our records!!!!! Just pray with me Forrest, Pray with me!!!
Have a great day everyone!!
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 28 December 2008 09:21 pm |
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I DID THE BOWFLEX WORKOUT TODAY!!! WOO HOOO!!!! 4 DAYS OF BOWFLEX THIS WEEK! I have not had the drive to do my walking video...i tend to burn out of the routine after a few weeks and need a change up cuz its boring by then.....I know, I have exercise A.D.D.!!!!
LOL!
 i did my workout i did my workout! go girl!!! you can get back on track!
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cportwine
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 28 December 2008 09:30 pm |
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Hi, just got back home. God it's good to be home. But, was catching up on your diary. Just hitting the highlights.
I'm sorry your family is making you nuts. I think every ones family does that from time to time. It could be worse as you said. You use food as an outlet. I personally use alcohal, lol. Everyone has their own way of dealing with it.
You know what you should do. If your finance goes through, go out get a cell phone, don't tell your family your number and get rid of your other phone. lol, jk, but at least you could have some peace and quiet for a change.
Anyway, I was just checking in on you... talk to later 
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mj36
Senior Member
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Posted: 29 December 2008 02:36 am |
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I got my sis that Leslie Yoga dvd last Christmas and she really liked it. Hopefully you will too. I just ordered a Leslie advanced walker DVD, hopefully that will be a good one too! Which 5 mile one did you order?
Good for your getting the Bowflex done... you are doing great during the holidays when lots of people make excuses or don't make time to work out, so you should be proud of yourself. Keep going, girl!
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 30 December 2008 09:11 pm |
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i got the 5 mile fat burning workout. I ordered standard mail so it wont be here till like middle of january but it was only like 6 bucks! its worth it! I am excited about the yoga too! I need to keep myself entertained or else i burn out on the workout. I am using the bowflex much more these days anyhow, and i can make those routines different all the time so i dont lose motivation. I dont know if I look different yet though. My hubby thinks my butt is getting tighter and firmer...hee hee.....lol....so i guess i am doing something right! 
i had physical therapy today, it went well, for my warm up i rode the reclined, or inclined bike? i rode 23 minutes burned 100 calories (whoohoo!) and went almost just over 5 miles. I do wish I could track my efforts with the bowflex, but havent determined how yet. Oh well, as long as I am going 30-45 minutes each workout, pushing my muscles...i know i am doing a good thing for my body. Its better than not doing anything!
I dont know if i will do more today, i feel ok now. I am kinda tired and i am goin to lay down since i just laid madeline down for a late nap. She went to daddy work while i went to the PT so she played and ran alot and watched Spirit and ate junk!....so she needed a break to rest.
We have to get creative about Daveys divorce for the refinance to get a desktop approval. OH THE AGONY of this.....I just want it to be done. I hate this back and forth. It has to end soon before I eat myself back into the weight I started at!!!! I am up again today, but I KNOW i didnt eat the best yesterday, I started strong, but by the end of the day, after stressing about refin again with calls....i ended up doing a lot more snacking and went over calories by 500 or so....I feel it today. So, today I have been pretty good.
I had a hard boiled egg (70)and half a small can of V8 for breakfast (15).
For snack I had a mini mint muskateer candy (30 cal) 1 caramel candy (35cal).
Lunch was 2 burnt pieces of buttered toast, 1 c of chocolate milk (made w/sugar free chocolate syrup 180cal), 2 HB eggs(140), and 3/4 apple (70) with cinnamon.
I am aiming for about 500-800 more today and gonna try to stay on the lower side. It adds up very fast.
I havent talked to my parents yet. they called daveys cell yesterday to wish him a happy birthday. He avoided the call. Its his choice. I do get bothered but i do it too, so why should i care? Dad called my cell today, left a message, but i havent listened to it yet. Probably checking to see if i went to rio rancho today to get gifts exchanged....which i didnt do. But I did call and at least talk to my brother. I didnt call gramma since i had not talked to her about mmy coming up. Why get her confused..................
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mj36
Senior Member
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Posted: 31 December 2008 03:54 am |
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The new Leslie 5 mile DVD you ordered is the same one I just got. I have done probably 4-5 of her walking DVD's and this is by far the best, and more challenging too. Hope you like it as much as I do! One way to track strength workouts is to measure by inches lost. Muscles tightening = less inches. .
Hope you get the refinancing stuff done and over with soon. With that stress out of the way, it will help you focus on yourself and not that anymore.
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cportwine
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 31 December 2008 11:45 am |
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Hey Bj, maybe if your refinance goes through you can get one of those heart rate monitor things to track your progress on the bowflex.
The stress from that kind of stuff always gets to me also. When we were selling our house and buying this one. I ended up with bells palsy. I think from worrying so much about the whole thing. So, hang in there, it will get better. 
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 31 December 2008 03:15 pm |
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 thanks guys! a heart rate monitor for me while working on the bowflex? well i know aside from doing the circuit in between where you jog in place or jumping jacks whatever you can do for 30-60 sec. to get your heart rate up...is just about the only time it is up. Granted, i break a sweat and my muscles scream when i hit the last 5 or so of each rep so I THINK i am doing it right? I tried to look it up on our calories burned, under cirtuit training for 45 minutes and it calculated about 525 calories. Not bad, but honestly not enough unless i really cut back food! I am at around 1500-1600 a day, most days. Some go over, but not regularly. I am not sure where to put the Leslie workouts, they are way more than walking, but not aerobics? so i am not sure about that, how to calculate....any advice there mj? :)
so i just went potty and i went back to jump on the scale, since I knew i had to go potty, my tummy was all tight. I dropped back down from 191 to 188-189 and it stopped at 189. I am very happy with that! Our bodies are so strange, and i cant imagine that i had that much "#%@&!" in my body to dispose of...but apparently i did!!! I knew I had been cheating a few here and there but to go back up that much just seemed harder to believe, but i did believe it cuz I am easily defeated!
I must be stronger! Both videos shipped yesterday. I cant wait to try something new!!! I need to do the leslie video again, but I just havent applied myself. I am not sure why at this point, except i was knowing the moves before she did them.......my problem with a routine....
Davey wrote his "letter" last nite to push us thru with the refinance. I was unhappy, I asked him if God would approve of what they were doing? he said that he would because all he is stating in this letter is what is actually happening so all I am doing is making what is happening officially noted somewhere.
Ok, not to push that ticket, as long as we get the approval!!! I can do so much in paying out my debts with the money we would get back. It would allow us to go out once in a while, to enjoy life again cuz we would have some freedom financially! In fact, his sister wants to come in june, en route to Florida to see her parents and stay here at the house for a week and watch madeline AND let us go on a vacation!!! or honeymoon or whatever we wish to call it! So, monday we started to look at packages for Disneyworld, Disneyland (its closer obviously) but i havent ever been to DW. I have never been past Tennessee!!! I dont want to get excited until I know we can make it happen, but i am so in need of a disneyland trip!!!! I havent been in over 10 years!!! Its time!!
I sat down and wrote dad an email about what Davey and i are feeling and trying to do for ourselves. He made me send it, after we revised and edited it for an hour!!!! My dad had said that I havent sent an email even, in his message he left for me yesterday. Well, he will get an email today, and its a mini novel!!! I dont know what it will accomplish, but we sure cleared our heads. Its a step. I thought hard and long and the best way to get my thoughts to them is to write them because face to face turns into an argument, almost always...and i back down. So, its done....i am going to try to let that drama lie for a while.....
Ok, goals today:
Attempt to make brownies from scratch, or resort to the boxed fudge brownies for the neighborhood gathering tonite.
Workout for at least 45-1 hour.
EAT RIGHT?!
Have a nice day with madeline, maybe we can go for a walk if its nice enough!
HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL! BE SAFE!!!!     
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cportwine
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 31 December 2008 04:06 pm |
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Yea, I guess the only way to track your weights are to do measurements.
I am sure you can make brownies from scratch, they are easy...
It sounds like you two got some stuff off your chests with the letters. That is always a good feeling to just let go and say how you really feel. It always makes me feel refreshed, ready to start over, kind of thing.
Anyway, good luck with the brownies...
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 31 December 2008 09:05 pm |
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getting things off my chest is easy..its just getting them to read it that seems to be the problem.
Well, lots of stuff to report. I am going mad today, I am on the brink of yelling with anything from the fireplace not wanting to burn the pine, to the dogs eating madelines snacks in her room, to madeline bib not staying on during lunch!!!
I just barely made it thru the bowflex workout, but i got it done. It took me an hour, because of constant interruptions but i got it done. I do feel better for accomplishing that much today, as it seems that all the other stuff I am trying to complete is simply NOT HAPPENING.
I have not made brownies. We are no further along on the refinance than yesterday because they are still asking for additional proof that Davey is not paying the items that were separated in his divorce. It was never decided how to split in court since she failed to itemize a list...all we have is a letter that she wrote to our attny stating what she would be accountable for..and that is what he has submitted. Apparently they need more...and well, obviously he cant do it from work, so there is no chance this will get done before the end of the day...or the end of the week for that matter. Our mortgage is officially late for this freaking process...and it better #%@&! well be worth the trouble and hardship we have taken on to do this freaking thing!!!
AAAGH. Someone tell me to chill before I pop a vain in my forehead. 
What a day. I apologized to madeline for being short with her, i just cant handle this stress much longer and then my freaking dad obviously hasnt checked his email to see if anything is there or he would have found our note we wrote him. So, he keeps calling and leaving me these sad pathetic "where are you? its the last day of the year, how come you arent picking up your phone????" etcetc.....does he REALLY want me to PICK up the phone? He would be very sorry for me to get involved with him in a talk now. I am not in the mood.
I know these things are mostly out of my control. All i can control is what I eat, how I react, what i think.......just what I can do.....stressing is doing me ZERO good.........so how come i cant feel better then????
  
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cportwine
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 31 December 2008 10:05 pm |
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Something that someone on here suggested to me was to tear up paper. I haven't tried it yet. But, hey it might work shredding something to pieces.
Cheer up, you will get through this.
You know I am on the verge of getting my house insurance cancelled, because I was so far behind on the stack on my desk. Went through it today. Found the first bill, yep past due, then found the cancellation notice. Geeezzzz, glad I seen it before it's due. I really need to get organized.
At least your just waiting on someone else. I am just plain disorganized and not getting things done as I should.
I think, working out always works for me when I am stressed out. I know that's hard with a little one around.
Don't worry you will think of something to make you feel better.
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 31 December 2008 10:17 pm |
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Thanks Cindy! Actually its funny that suddenly i feel better. I have brownies in the oven, madeline is taking her nap, albeit late but she is resting, I just visited with the neighbor briefly to ensure they knew of the gathering tonite and after talking to her my troubles seem small. She got a stye in her eye a week before christmas, thought she fixed it...but went to see a dr cuz it was still bothering her. He gave her oral and antibiotics for her to put into her mouth and into her eye. Well, apparently one of the med's in the ointment to put into her eye caused a reaction and she swelled up all over again, tore her vessels in her face..she looks like #%@&!. the poor thing, she has missed about a week of work and people think her husband hit her. Sad state to be. So they wont be going to the gathering tonite, I may end up giving her some of the brownies I made so she will cheer up. Poor thing. We dont talk much, we are about the same age even, but she works a lot and well, time just goes by. It was nice to talk to someone, and after telling her of my hives i felt like my problems were small compared to what she is feeling now.
Funny how hearing others struggles etc can lift the spirit. God forgive me for saying that.
As for organization, yes, I am over organized. I can tell you anything about the bills, the house, etc that you need to know. Its anal if you ask me cuz none of it is ever that important. But, I, well we both went down the bankruptcy road in our past, so we dont want to go there. I get mine charged off in JANUARY 09! Yay! Its been a long time coming. If we get this refin I can either pay all of my small cards off or 3 of the large cards and hopefully get out of this hole we got ourselves into fixing this house up this past year. I used to do all the billing accounting for my dad and mom too, mom loved it and dad just let me do it cuz he was never the organized type either. I am glad you found the paperwork!!!! WHEW!!!
Anyhoo....so i am feeling better. I know we wont see the refinance happen this week. It would be a miracle. But, if we can get this darn proof they want, maybe we will close next week..and that will do for me. I just wish we knew........and i wish i could do more but since its not my divorce, I cant do a #%@&! thing.
Its in Gods hands. I think he wants us to succeed.
I am holding onto 189 today, whew...........whenever i hit 190 again i get all discouraged......so keep me away from 190!!!
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mj36
Senior Member
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Posted: 31 December 2008 11:07 pm |
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The leslie DVD's are all definitely cardio, low impact aerobic activity. Of course, she usually offers a higher impact option too if you really want to increase the cardio. I have a cheap heart rate monitor from WalMart ($50) that I bought when I first started jogging, and I have used it with DVD's and other cardio as well- it is a good way to guide yourself as to whether you want to work harder or if you are in "the zone."
Sounds like you got things under control and that helped you feel better. It's hard waiting on others (like your dad opening his e-mail) so just focus on what you have control over and enjoy the evening with hubby and madeline~
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 1 January 2009 07:13 pm |
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happy new year everyone! it was a nice evening at the gathering. we made new friends and i am all pumped to have them over to see the house and make this some sort of monthly neighbor gathering.....we will see how that goes...they sure were nice people though. I had a great time, madeline made a little friend with the water mans granddaughter who is just over 1 year and walking! they are an older crowd, like my parents age (and friends that I WISH my parents could have.) what a nice happy group of people...i hope to see them all again. And they loved us since we are young and vibrant and friendly good kids you know! :) They all have kids our age, so that is neat too. I am in love with one of their daughters blue jeep wrangler.......and i told them, they got a kick out of that! :)
we didnt drink at all. we let off fireworks at 12. it was a simple, no stress nite. i am happy. i have not heard from my family at all. i also havent turned my cell on to see if anyone tried to call me there, but the house is quiet. Do i need to call? hmm.....
Maybe later...but why?
We are just watching a looney tunes marathon which is daveys favorite cartoon ever...and its funny, his sister and her kids are in wyoming watching it too!!!! its a small world after all............its a small world after all..its a small small small small world!!!
I am not sure if i will work out. I should! I had these delicious cookie made with ritz crackers, peanut butter and dipped in chocolate. I had not idea that they would have over 300 calories per cookie!!!! I had two and indulged totally and completely. They were wonderful. I left my two plates of brownies for a big bowl of their posole...so i got a good trade!
Ok, nothing else for now, davey is falling asleep watching the cartoons....he is being lazy or maybe he just wants me away from the computer!!! ha ha ha lol...
i got a card from my old friend in cali, i will have to send her some pictures of us, i thought i did, but she never got them! :( it was nice to hear from her! i also heard from another old friend who lives out in rio rancho....maybe we will catch up sometime....we are just so busy and far away......and their kids are all grown and out of the house....we will see...
Have a great day all!!! 
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mj36
Senior Member
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Posted: 1 January 2009 10:51 pm |
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| Maybe you are wanting to hear from your dad so he can acknowledge some of what you said to him? Your NYE sounds like it was very family oriented and lots of fun. Glad to hear you had fun. Those cookies sound amazing, and who would think they were that many calories?? Hopefully you will enjoy a peaceful day~
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 2 January 2009 10:37 pm |
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hello everyone!
i finally figured out how to upload a small enough file, now i have my pirate avatar....cuz we are pirates! Take what you can and give Nothing back!
I moved two loads of cedar today, talk about working my muscles! wow, i havent eaten alot today, except an egg and water. I havent really had time. I came in at 189. I am holding onto it. I guess that is better than going up!
I have intentions to do some workout, but i am not sure what. I laid madeline down for a late nap and got busy doing other things, and now she will be up soon...and who knows? i wont beat myself up too much since i havent eaten alot and i have been active.
Still havent heard about the freaking refinance today, but we managed to pay all the bills needed and get two loads of wood, and new checks to write the lovely bills out, as well as have money for gas, food etc. :) We are not broke, but its not easy to balance so closely. Something has to give! We did get a call for our 89 Blazer that we are selling (though not fullheartedly since I love to drive it! its a big 4 wheeling monster! and its fire engine red....so its intimidating for me to drive..everyone looks surprised to see a woman driving it you know? gives me a thrill.) I dont really want to sell it but we need money, so you do what you have to do. Its a beauty. They wanna come on sunday or monday, so they obviously arent in too big of a rush. I will never be desparate enough to sell it to someone who wont cherish her...its like giving away a dog! I dont want too really......i enjoy having it...but 4500 bucks would help alot...or well, actually it would get the mortgage paid and then get some bills knocked down, but nothing like the refinance.
OH PLEASE IT HAS TO COME THRU!!!! ARGH.....I am about to rade and pillage for money soon!
Ha ha haa.....just kidding....
Well, we have a new challenge, great! I am excited! I will weigh in again tomorrow, may i be down a pound from not eating today!
Ha! yeah right....
Havent gotten my videos yet, maybe next week? I wrote a note to leslies website to see if they can advise the calories burned in their videos and i got a note back telling me i am doing great with the workouts i am doing and maybe i should revise my food intake or shake up the workouts since your body gets into routine and stops burning affectively after 4-5 weeks.......so anyone feeling stimied by not losing maybe should try to bump it up or do something different?
Hmm....that is a thought!
Talk to you all later...!
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mj36
Senior Member
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Posted: 3 January 2009 03:47 am |
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| Maybe your new videos will help you mix it up. I am hoping for the same with my recent purchases. Although the one that did come is killer and I wish it never arrived haha~ That is too bad that you have to sell your beloved vehicle, but hopefully these people will be the right match!
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 3 January 2009 02:41 pm |
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its funny to talk about shaking things up a bit. I wrote cheryl back (leslie site) and told her about my eating regime that I am TRYING to do? she wrote back and said that it sounds really good, that more than likely i am dealing with a challenge against the metformin and the birth control pills i take to regulate my body with the PCOS. She then said that maybe I am working out too much?????
WOW. wasnt expecting that and i doubt that is it. I mean, cindy (cportwine) does some awesome like 2 hour workouts...50 min on the trainer, 4 miles on here and on and on and i get tired just reading what some write about their regimes. If i were working and running all day, maybe ....but i doubt it. Its a nice thought. But being at home, taking care of a toddler 3 dogs a hubby and a house doesnt seem to sound like a lot........so i dont know!
I moved cedar yesterday for 2 hours! I cant believe it took that long! back and forth back and forth carrying 4-5 pieces of wood to the wood pile about 30 ft from where it was dropped. It was hefty, i huffed some towards the end, put a blister on my heel (wearing daveys tennies, they were at the back door......when in rome..time and tide....etc.....so i paid the price for NOT going to get my tennies...hee hee lol
I was going to do my workout, but i got busy doing other things..and well, i didnt feel like it? and madeline was up, i can forget doing the leslie tapes with her, she likes to stand in front of me and walk too......i cant get her to stand away since i am the wild woman when i am doing those workouts.....i get pretty involved.
I need to go grocery shopping, but i want to save money. i need the basics though, so we gotta go today...i usually dont go when daveys off which is sunday and monday....we like to relax and stay in those days...unless we plan to go to the zoo or a walk or something else. Other than that task, today is not much more except vacuuming and cleaning up the house so i can take two days to relax.
Apparently dad got the new years card i sent out, so he must have gotten the letter too? My brother called, did i mention that already yest? he said dad was calling and complaining or whatever about my not talking to them and they were gonna move back to the coast because there is nothing here for them...(how and when and why i know not?) and what is going on etc? i told him and he said he would call and tell dad to check his email. He musta done that. I saw the pickup notice and immediately started to remorse the letter and feel bad since they are feeling bad already...but davey was like..."#%@&! no! you will not feel badly about what you had to say. They call and make you feel bad all the time, let them fight and argue about this, finally its something that they Need to get upset about!"
But its family, dont all families have strife? am i being too critical? they are gypsies and they live on what they have, they dont have the big bucks, my mom is a nut case that feels she has to control all of us, or at least b.i.t.ch about all of it to feel important, they arent bad people, they never hurt any of us....short of my moms yelling all the time...and making my dad feel like he wasnt ever doing enough...ok, yeah, mom is what i dont want to be. Never satisfied with the life i have. She did live in california, she did have the ocean, she did have that life she said she wanted and yet? she still was unhappy..feeling alot like i do now..that tug to be available to always take care of the gramma, obligations etc.....and she was always wanting more.
Ok they are a mess. But they are still married, and my oldest bro is 42. so a long time to be together and that means something. I just wish she would stop look around and realize that there is more than taking care of her ungrateful mom? the manipulations etc that she either creates herself or really feels is too much..and its wasting their lives. They came back for the grandparents, and they came back to have dad work with tony, the oldest brother because my dad felt that the job he had there was going to cut him off since he was older....well, he spent the last 7-8 yrs here working for the "worst boss ever" and being unhappy and getting browbeaten both by tony and mom......its been a long few years, then i moved back home since i was told i was pregnant and not sicker with symptoms of PCOS.....and that turned it all upside down more.....
I know they have problems. We all do. But they dont have to try to help us all, they dont have to be this unhappy and focused on all others except themselves. In fact, a move to california would be good....how i know not? but if they could sell their house and go and ENJOY it that would be great. I wish taht for them. I would miss them, but they deserve to enjoy these last years, as they arent getting younger and to be away from gramma would be lovely. IF THEY COULD LET IT ALL GO AND JUST BE.
Never will happen anyway...its just talk.
I dont know what will happen next, truthfully i am not anxious to see and i hope davey is here when whatever will happen happens....i dont wanna fight i just want them to respect my wishes for madeline and us.
That is all for now, i gotta go! :) Babys up! Have a great day!!!!
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 4 January 2009 12:26 am |
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well my day totally went differently than i planned! i went grocery shopping, got some outstanding deals at smiths!!! I did really well spending wise and i got all that we needed.....I HOPE! As a bonus i got a discount on the gas with smiths, it is currently 1.49 there for reg. unleaded and i saved an addt'l 10cents per gallon! Yee Haw! Great!
So i put the stuff away and started to take down the christmas stuff. I packed up all the nicknacks, candles, ornaments, and two of my small fir trees. I left the biggest one up on the table under my adobe painting cuz the blue lites look so pretty against the blue sky on the painting. I need some color!
So its all neat and packed away, and ready to go to the attic. I feel ok. I am not sad. I will be sad when the lites outside come down, either this week or next week. I am sad too that my family never came down to see the outside...its so awesome! We really outdid ourselves and even the neighbors at the NYE gathering said that they enjoyed all the pretty lites. We are getting ready for Valentines day though, so its ok. We already have plans for the next arrangement of lites so i am happy!
I didnt do my workout, but i havent sat down all day. I finished the christmas stuff then moved on to my jewelry and going thru that! I organized things and cleared out the junk i just dont wear anymore. I will donate to the thrift store. I need to go thru madelines closet too, but she is such a squirt..all the summery dresses still in the closet will fit her in the spring i am sure! Its refreshing to clear the decks, per se' I feel cleansed somehow, even if i didnt get the workout in. I havent eaten a lot today. I did eat the last dark chocolate caramel in the whitmans box, so the rest are for davey and madeline. It is all gone, until valentines anyway! Knowing Davey though, he wont get me candy, he will buy me a new houseplant or something i can keep and use long term.
The days are getting longer again, we are on the upswing to spring here, there is a bush in the backyard that already has buds on it!!!! WOW! We took a motorcycle ride the other day, it was great to get out there and feel the wind in your face. It wasnt that cold either. We both miss the warm weather, even though we enjoy the snow...the warmth is wonderful and the long days when you can have daylite till 830pm. I am ready for that. We are supposed to see some weather in the next two days, but so far its really north of us....so doubt it will get here....the systems usually dont dip down this far south. I wouldnt mind some SNOW but the cold winds can stay away. Rain is ok too, then i dont have to water!!!!
Ok, well, i am ickey and need to wash up. Maybe hot tub tonite, davey hasnt been feeling well the past two days. He needs his teeeth taken out and given all partials or fakes basically...but the cost is too much and he is young...and as a result his teeth really get achey and sore and he will take alleve or whatever and darn if it didnt set off his stomach and make eating very challenging for him. So, its been tough getting him to eat enough to have the energy. He is very thin naturally so he doesnt have a huge resource of fat storage to lean on...and not eating for a day sets him back considerably. Thankfully, it is passing and he is on the upside of feeling bad so hopefully hot tub will be a good thing tonite. I hate when he is sick since he is always my pillar of strength. I also hate that we both have bad teeth and have such trouble but the cost of fixing them...now or in the near future is too much to think about. When we can i am sure we will go to Mexico to get them done, its just cheaper!!! and its close!!!!
I put pirates of the carribean on when i came home at 12 and have not seen anything of it yet...its just there playing....i even restarted it! It is almost over for the 2nd time so i better go turn it off or start it again so i can watch it! i have been getting an itch for my Jack Sparrow antics.......   
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mj36
Senior Member
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Posted: 4 January 2009 02:24 am |
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OK, I can respond to the over-exercising statement. I used to be intense about it, working out several hours a day, until a trainer asked about my eating habits and explained to me that I was self-defeating, burning muscle to keep going... kind of like the body feeding on itself. The key is to balance the exercise with the diet, and not starve yourself because then your body will not want to burn any fat.
Now, as for the metformin, I take that as well, for my diabetes. A friend w/ PCOS takes it like you do, and it actually seemed to help her lose weight. Maybe you should ask the doc about that? I took it for years, then stopped and controlled w/ diet, and just started back with it a month or two ago, so I don't know if it has impaired my weight loss or not? I'll have to pay attention to that and ask the doc too when I go again!
I got the tree and decorations down today too, feels good to have the house back in shape doesn't it??~
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 6 January 2009 08:08 pm |
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well, in considering the metformin and any loss for me. I think i can look back to the beginning when i started to take it, back in 2005 and where i have come since then..i do think it helped me lose some of the weight i have. I also nursed madeline till she was just over 2 years, so that also helped in the loss process. I cant say it didnt help but maybe i am at the max for what it will do. Its already done so much! I brought me madeline!I am currently taking 2000mg a day, the max is 2500. I can consider upping it, and my doctor wont say no...she doesnt see the harm...but i am not sure. Once i hit that, i cant do anymore.
As for the birth control pills, they are definately hurting the loss in some way, I have always gained taking them. I have been on them since September, so its not even 6 months yet. I advised with the doc there and she said that the only thing i can do is UP the hormones on the pill which would make the headaches etc worse..or i can switch to a non invasive contraceptive. Given its not being take as a contraceptive, its just to maintain my regularity but i am not willing to use another form at this time.
I just have to work around it, you know? nothing is easy, nor should it be. It is not easy to gain it and its really hard to lose it! I am down two pounds for the new year new you challenge which makes me very happy! I am hopeful I can keep up the loss!
I got the yoga video yesterday! I am going to try it today, and do my bowflex. Davey said to me after looking at the dvd box...."so how does Yoga help you lose weight anyway?"
I dont know that one! I know it helps to strengthen and lengthen muscles and tone them....and with my jiggly butt i need to tone! I need to work on my a.rse and my thighs and my backend in general!!! I want to firm it up so that when i look in the mirror i dont see bumps. I dont like that at all.
I am trying to watch Pride and Prejudice, with Keira Knightly...but i simply cant sit and watch and listen to all the speech! argh! i cant do it! i am not focused enough!
I need to workout, but i havent done a thing but wash clothes, and talk to the mortgage guy about our refinance. Appears that we are in line to be underwritten, what ever that means!!!! I pray that makes our deal a GO!!!!!
I just laid madeline down and she is still making noise and jabbering back there with her horsies...I must go and quiet her and then get to working out. I am still dealing with my ear and teeth hurting on my right side. I dont know if its teeth or the ear, but I am hopeful it will stop soon enough!
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 6 January 2009 08:12 pm |
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i keep forgetting to enter my measurements into my diary! in august i had started to get back into exercise after injuring my ankle, foot etc. I dont have them anymore, but I know for certain what my arms, waist and hips were. I took the latest measurements last week and from my memory, my waist is down 2 inches, my arms both an inch and the rest have some here and there changes. I tallied up 7.5 inches smaller thru the entire body since August. that is amazing to me!!!! i am tickled, but oddly enough...i dont know if i can see or feel it.
my waist went from 38 to 36. my arms from 15 to 14. my rt thigh is 1/2 smaller, while my left is the same...my bust and chest both came down to. my chest was a 38 and its now a 36. My hips are smaller too, though not alot...like a 1/2. I wish i had kept those measurements so i knew for sure!
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 6 January 2009 09:39 pm |
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i am such a bad mom. i just blew up with madeline, over what? a nap, spilled yogurt on my wicker trunk in her bedroom, and how she pushes me all the time. she is 3. what do i expect? here i am complaining about my parents, when i dont even know how to be a parent. I got so upset, i was yelling all over the place. I know i am stretched emotionally with her now, esp with her not going to see grandparents anymore, and the guilt i feel over that, but its also very hard for me to watch davey handle her with much more finese than i due to his experience with kids, having twin girls of his own. i feel so screwed up. i cant talk to anyone about my anger issues. i am so upset with my parents, i am so upset that the harder i try to get her to listen to me, the less she does, and i wonder sometimes why i am trying? why dont i send her to daycare and get back to work? why do i think i am making any difference, esp with days like this..where i bend my our rules to her because she is being a good girl..and then whammo i get smacked in the face by going to check on her and find her playing and not napping. I allow her her two animals at nap time and she plays instead of napping. I need some sort of break during the day, her naps are the only time i get to just be with myself, its my workout time, since when davey gets home its dinner its spend time with him...where do i get my time?
i know i am being selfish and stupid. so i went in there again, after i went off the handle and tried to talk to her, and i dont know what she got or heard or understood. I wanna cry, as she is crying and i want to hug her and tell her how much i love her, but i dont do it yet. i need to be tough to get her to listen to me, but i dont know if its working. i dont want to be like my mom and just run at the mouth yelling at the top of my lungs, but anything else doesnt seem to work for me. I try to talk quietly and look at her at my level and she looks the other way. Davey does that and she is in line and ready to go with whatever he sais. Is it cuz he has the deeper voice? the height? i dont know! it gets to me, esp when i know tonite he will come home and see i am strained and he will automatically get an edge and he will be even more tough with her, we take a step forward and then 4 back, and that is without my parents being involved. I just want her to listen to me. Is that really too much to ask? I just want her to respect what i say and not ignore me like i feel my family does. Was living with them enough to damage her thoughts of me? would she really rather be at my parents house having fun all the time, never taking a nap, eating whenever she goes to the kitchen and reaches into the fridge by herself, eating standing up at the couch watching tv? going to bed at 11pm? i mean, is that what she would rather have? am i that bad?
just once i wish i felt like i had it in me to be a good, no a great mom. i wanna be the mom who is patient and kind and never raises her voice to her kids, who will be there for activities as she gets older and be her person to look up to and admire. I know i didnt have the best example, but dam am i already too much like my mom to change? why is my patience so short? why dont i have the tolerance? what is wrong with me?
And here i am crying, when i intended originally to get a workout in. I have made it thru one exercise and 3 sets and i have no motivation to do anything now. I feel horrible, like i am destroying the one perfect thing i ever created by not knowing how to take care of her and teach her and have patience for her. But can i call my mom ? can i reach out to her or my gramma? no, neither would listen or have time to talk to me and assure me that i am ok. What kind of relationship can i have with my daughter if i dont have one with my mom?
Last edited on 6 January 2009 09:42 pm by BJD74
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 6 January 2009 11:00 pm |
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i talked with madeline, started a thread about parenting and i finally made it thru the workout. i feel wierd, like its been too long since i did the bowflex, all my muscles are screaming but i did it! it took like an hour and a half but i got it done. now, i need to remakeover some soup since i failed to make some from scratch. just didnt have it in me today.
tomorrow is a new day.
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mj36
Senior Member
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Posted: 7 January 2009 03:16 am |
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I actually didn't think about the bc pills helping with weight increases. I had an IUD (mirena) that had to be removed in January 2006 when I had pre-cancerous cells removed. Since then, I started back on the pill. That certainly could have contributed to my 25+ lb gain since then, though a large part is definitely due to all forms of chocolate haha. I can get the IUD put in again if I have a clean pap again in May, so maybe I will think about doing that and getting off the pill. The biggest bonus with the IUD is I stopped getting my period woohoo~
"in line to be underwritten" sounds very positive, a definite step forward~
Don't beat yourself up because you yelled at your daughter. It's a good thing that you started the parenting thread and can get some support and ideas in that area. I think you already are a good mom, because you are always trying to improve so you can be better, and it is out of love for your daughter.
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 8 January 2009 06:00 pm |
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well parenting has its up and down days. yesterday i peaked again, over the refinance of course...and then it got better. she is really trying to be a good girl and she is only 3! One day at a time. I havent gotten any feedback from my new thread, but its ok. I imagine not alot of parents are willing to admit when they discipline a kid esp these days when the world is so sensitive to abuse etc. Its crazy what the world has turned into.
anyway, the refinance is too much to handle. Complications arose in regards to his previous marriage, his ex is living in the home in de, paying the equity loan each month that is listing with davey as the primary. That is a true statement, but there is no way to prove where the payment comes from each month, since she pays over phone or thru computer, its just a bunch of numbers. Short of calling her himself and asking her to write a note stating she pays it monthly...well, that wont happen....we have no proof that davey is not paying that equity loan so short of really falsifying information and making a letter himself reflecting a monthly payment to him...its just not a possibility with this certain bank i guess. We have been counseled that we should do a loan modification that is a big payment up front and then it somehow refigures the mortgage payment, and may save us about 200 a month that could go towards the credit debts we have. After that is done, then I was advised to declare bankruptcy and let the debts go. That would mean losing my name, giving up all the time and energy i put into rebuilding my name from a previous bankrutpcy i did my best to avoid back in my early 20's due to my fiance who wasnt able to hold jobs, took money, etc....that was a devastation to me and i know i learned from that experience, so i wish not to go the easy route and let it all go away. I am a better person than that. So, we are still considering the refin option, with another bank, maybe they will go a different route wiht that equity loan in de. and work with us. I dont know anymore. I am not wiling to lose my credit, even if its bad now. I worked too hard. So did he. And besides since we are married, he has to go with me and that is not fair. Its our debt, but my cards. We havent given up yet, but we arent sure what is next. We keep plugging away, hope he gets a raise this year and save all we can and put it towards the credit cards and slowly pay them down. I dont want out of the obligation, I just need a break, between high interest and overlimit fees that is whats hurting me the most. I am never late, but since the lines are so close to the limits, we get into hot water every once in a while...more recently. Argh. SOmething will happen. We are in this together. He has even said he would stop smoking so we could use that money to pay things. I admit that I havent really done the cutting back, like groceries etc. I have done my best to keep things the norm we are used too, and that is hurting us. I like to stock up on things he likes since he eats alot, and madeline too. I am more or less easy to feed, but they are picky. I decided i will stop shopping except for necessities like milk eggs, etc..and stop the extra things that we really dont need. The going to three stores to find the best deals, and spending each place since i saw great things? i cant do that anymore. We dont go out for dinner, all we do is get gas and i make all the food we eat. Anything we can do will help.
I am considering calling the credit card co's to see if they will agree to lower an interest rate if i threaten to go bankrupt and they will lose all of it. I dont know, its never worked for me before......i think that is mostly due to the high risk i was post bankrutpcy trying to rebuild credit and so i agreed to crazy rates etc. Only one is really bad anyway, its like 29% and they will not adjust for me at all. Bastards. I am just upside down, my balances are at the credit limit, so what can i do? i dont know. I just know I wont go in the gutter again. I will get out, if it takes me forever. We can do it.
I am down to 182 today. WOW. I have lost 7 pounds since starting the new year challenge. I cant believe it! stress working for me now or the idea that i am dieting has finallly set into my brain and my body. I am excited beyond excited and i feel lighter stress wise even just knowing the number is dropping on the scale. I havent been this low since #%@&!, i dont even know when!!!! And i havent been overexercising or anything....its wierd how a body works. Shows me i know little......
Anyway, so we dont know where we are now. Hopefully something will work out for us, but we will survive, we are pirates, we always survive. We take what we can and give nothing back....hee hee.......
Yeah, big Pirates of the Carribean fans here....CANT WE ALL SEE THE LOGO ON MY AVATAR!?!? ahoy matey, drop the sails, prepare the main stays.....lol
I did not workout yesterday, but i cleaned the house like a madwoman to clear my head. I just didnt get the chance to get it done. I will do it today, but i dont know what yet. I havent done the yoga yet, but again is that really exercise??? I havent gotten the 5 mile fat burning workout yet either.....hmm....i will do something and report later...seeyou!
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cportwine
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 8 January 2009 06:37 pm |
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Hey BJ, just stopping in say what a great job you are doing. Wish I could say the same. But, it will get better. It's seems I always hit a breaking point and then get busy again.
About the finances, I would try to consolidate at whatever cost. I would think some bank out there could help you with that. Even if it's a heloc or another home equity loan. Something! Keep trying, there are million different things out there. I would give you more advise on that. But, we got in trouble a couple of times with credit cards and then just gave them up. Now alls I have are a few store one, and one discover that I use for christmas only and pay off with tax returns. We didn't have a magic trick or loans to get us out of them. I am fortunate enough to have a husband who is big into mopar car stuff. So, he is always wheeling and dealing. He even paid off our house from selling one of his cars that he was in the middle of restoring. So, we were lucky to get out of the debt and now that the house is paid for, the bank is always willing to give us money, lol.
Anyway, it certainly looks like the stress is working for you.
What other thread do you have? Is it on here. You know I have a world of experience with kids. So, if you ever need to vent about something, just yell at me... I'll be here.
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mj36
Senior Member
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Posted: 9 January 2009 02:13 am |
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Wow, down to 182! That is so very awesome.
As for the refinance and bills, I agree that you should look at consolidation. I know every state is different, but here there is also credit counseling which can help people who are overextended and having trouble with monthly payments, high interest, etc. The credit counseling companies work with the credit card companies to renegotiate the interest rate or waive it altogether to at least get the principal back instead of a bankruptcy which means you get nothing. You sound like you are proud of where you have come from since your bankruptcy, and you don't want to give up all your hard work to rebuild. Hopefully cutting back some and checking out some other options will help out. Good luck! I am trying to pay off my debts too, which accumulated from several years of working on college degrees while trying to keep my head above water as a single parent. I figure it might take me another 5 years to pay it off, but I'll get there!
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 9 January 2009 03:48 pm |
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ya i did look at a few online, and these days who do you trust? i have american financial calling me now, all i did was get thru the 1st page of their website and it registered me. I have had like 5 calls in two days. Before the 1st BR I went to consolidation, and then the fiance just worsened and i got buried and couldnt even do that anymore...hence BR.
we are looking at another bank with rob. he said that the conditions that other bank put on us were extraordinary and he has never seen in all his years. This is the 2nd time that co did his clients wrong....well, great...but what can we do???? i guess he is in process and we will see what they demand, the bottom line is we cant prove he isnt paying that mortgage payment in DE. my writing a letter showing our outgoing wont do it i guess since i am married to him, but you cant fudge a bank statement, and i pay all the BIG bills via our online banking so its all there..I cant see why that isnt enough...but apparently its not. Cross fingers.
I am not sure about consolidating, I lost some of the cards back then, but that was 10 years ago. I just dont want to get caught up with giving them alot of my money to have their service. Its not that I am not paying the bills. We pay all of them each month, the ones we do let slide to next check are the utilities if that is needed. We would need about 2200 this check to pay all of what needs to go plus the january mortgage. After his deductions, we may get 1800. I wont have enough to pay all of it. I am not looking forward to that, but maybe we will have news before then. Everyone needs paid. I get that, but how come noone is nice about it? there are a lot of people in this situation. He did call the mortgage people, they want a detailed breakdown of the month and what we paid in order to review taking the late payment and putting a portion onto each succeeding month thru this year to get it paid. Its a hardship help. It will still go on the credit. It will make our mortgage 1400 each month plus the regular bills. We would rather wait till taxes and pay that 1 dec payment at that time, since we use turbo tax its a faster refund. Then we just keep plugging away at the bills. The hard part is, I am paying minimums then in dire need i go use them to buy groceries, gas, etc and we get back to the point we were the previous month, and i just cant get us ahead. THAT IS THE RUB. its a viscious cycle. Hence the refinance need. I wish I could gather info without making a committment to a company regarding a consolidation. I wonder if there is a way to keep your credit, and they just mediate and help you pay it off faster. I just hate to see it all disappear.
Anyway, enough money talk, its sad and boring and ugly. Its friday, I am down on the scale and that feels good. I even told davey last nite that i dont care what we have to do since i am losing weight my brain feels lighter, like i can take it all on without strain, because if i can lose this weight then we can handle this money setback!
Crazy talk, i know!!! But maybe my ability to make this happen is stregthening me somehow!!
Have a wonderful day! Talk soon, and gotta get a workout in today! I did do bowflex, but i am just being lazy....too occupied with other things in front of me....lol 
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cportwine
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 9 January 2009 09:24 pm |
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I feel your pain after doing bills today. I just hope something turns up or we will be behind. But, I am sure that we can get back on track next month. It's just crunch time with property taxes. I hate that feeling though, desperation. So, don't feel bad, it's ugly out there for everyone. Now, that bush is going out of office maybe the future will turn around. So, keep the faith...
Anyway, I can certainly see why this helps your weight. I got so engrossed in the bill paying thing and trying to budget everything that I totally forgot about eating. I have only had a bowl of cereal and a salad. So, I guess if something good comes out of money stress, that is it...
Ok, got to go get ready for the party. Take care..
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 9 January 2009 10:01 pm |
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hello cindy! i have had an interesting day. i spent the morning on the phone with freedom from debt rep and sent my credit report to her to review with her underwriter. I may be able to just give it up (credit) and then they negotiate with the companies and pay the bills off, saving me as much as 50% of what my debt is. She talked about the refi in the long run, paying out to us to pay off the credit...is like taking from peter to pay paul you know? the debt just goes onto the mortgage and we shut up the credit people, but then imagine the credit slapped onto 30 year mortgage payments and interest etc...so really, now i am not so sure about the refi and honestly i think i may have davey convinced too. He doesnt have any need to push the refi thru, he has 3 small cards, less than 4000 total, the debt is mostly on my name cuz i had the credit. He has the house and those cards and a bowflex and dell computer..that is all. So, if we can get rid of my debt, we would be ok i think. I dont know any solution now but this, and i wish i knew more. Sure i am #%@&! to all #%@&! that my cards are going away, but in three years, i will be done and then maybe then we refi if needed or wanted. I see a ray of lite thru the crack in the wall and i hope the crack gets bigger. Its so tough cindy. I am yelling at madeline over stupid stuff, well, not stupid, but i just have not one ounce of patience right now. I hate it. I want a solution before i go insane. So i will know more monday, and we havent heard from rob anyway...so at least i have some idea of what is to come next week. I did write her two emails after we talked earlier asking if davey should consider doing it with me, and i havent heard. I am trying desparately to believe that she is good on her word and she will respond before the end of the day, but if she doesnt i need to breathe anyway. thankfully the taxes for our house come out of the mortgage payment, so we dont have to worry about that. THANK GOD!
Its friday, i wish that we had something special for dinner, it has been tough. I am not hungry but the anxiety from raising my voice with madeline and then all the thinking and computing this morning has wrought me out. BUT i am proud to say that I did a powerful 3 mile workout!!! WHEW. I AM SORE. I did it though, gave it my all because i need to relieve the strain in my head. I am wheezing just a bit, so i musta done a strong workout! Its the new 5 mile fat burning workout from Leslie that I just got. It arrived today, i love amazon.com since you can order a used video and incl shipping and its less than my driving to abq to find it in the store....so much easier.
So that is 4 strong workouts this week. Now can i just go lay down and watch a movie? I am trying to watch Pride and Prejudice, but i just havent had enough focus, esp with the english accents?!!!> argh....
Have a good time tonite, wish i could come along! We need to enjoy life and stop worrying so much, life isnt something we get back in the end. Have fun!!!
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BEC950
Senior Member
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Posted: 9 January 2009 10:20 pm |
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Great workout BJ you are a stronger woman than I. When I get stressed I get really sleeping and all I want to do is stay at home with a bag of chips and wallow in my own self doubt.
I am sure we'll be seeing another 7lbs drop from you soon. You are on fire girl !!!!
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mj36
Senior Member
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Posted: 10 January 2009 12:46 am |
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I am glad to hear the consolidation or credit company ideas might pan out for you. In my state, there are all kinds of regulations about who can offer credit counseling and work with the companies to reduce rates, etc. They are also not-for-profits and have limits for fees, etc. You should check out what the rules are in your state so you can feel more confident about the company you pick, etc. I tried to do it myself a year or so ago, but I was told that since I can make the minimums and I am not behind, I didn't qualify. I have slowly been chipping away at my debt for a few years now, and sometimes it seems like it will never end, but I know it will!!! Yours will too, and then you will feel much more secure.
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 14 January 2009 09:00 pm |
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hello, its been a few days since my last entry. i have been really busy and had to leave my entries to a min. BUT finally all my hard work has paid off, as i am now under wings of a settlement company that will assist me with the debts. I am so happy, and i am saving over 50% outgoing each month. AMEN. I knew something would come along, i just wasnt sure when or how.
as for the dieting and exercise, i got a tooth ache over the weekend, so that lasted saturday and sunday and then monday i went to the dentist, they extracted the tooth. RELIEF was instant. I am all better, and to think this is most likely what i had happen before christmas! The tooth was ready to go, so i am happy that is done.
My weight has stabalized at 185-6. I dropped down dramatically last week, but i know that is how i was eating and stressing. i should never have dropped 7 pds in one week, just not healthy. So, instead I am looking at my wt on the 3rd of Jan to compare to today and I am down 3 pds. That is much more realistic. I am debating working out today, this is the first day that i can just be me for a while and i am pushing myself to get up and go workout. I have kinda got a headache that is naggin but i am ignoring it the best i can. I refuse to feel less than good right now! My clothes are looser, my skin is nice and i am good!
Davey got a little upset with me for sharing all our personal stuff, he is a private person and isnt keen on how open i am being about our finances. I had no idea he would be upset, since its just here. I trust it here you know? so, i have to curb what i say about him.....keep him in a box and i have to try to keep this about me...hee hee who would have thought!!! its ok, since he is right, this is about me and my weight loss journey not the money. But the money leads me to eat, so in my own way it is about that, but he asked me to avoid sharing quite so much. He is right, I share too much, but I forget i am in a forum, i feel like i just write this and it goes into a secret place. I respect his wishes, since he is pretty open about all the rest of the things i like to do or say...and i do talk, i am long winded and without having much of a family to share with or relate too these days...you guys kinda are like my family...wierd i know. Does anyone else have that? maybe he thinks i should be sharing with him? but i do that now, ad nauseum.....i figured he gets tired of hearing of my struggle with wt esp since he feels i am perfect this way. Who knows....he is right though, i share openly, just like my dad. Dad could talk to a person in line at the grocery store and be old friends by the time they reached their cars! I am that way too.....but this to me stays private somehow....i am only fooling myself....i know. :)
Its all good though, he felt bad that he upset me, he wasnt trying to tell me not to share, just not to share about his past and financial situations since you never know who may find it....i can see that. I dont want people from my past to find me here by chance...i would rather remain lost.....lol....
Oh well, that is all for now. I think I am going to go relax. I will maybe take madeline for a walk when she gets up. I dont know. I am just not feeling it today. Kinda wanna lay down but as soon as i do she will wake up.
Have a great day! Talk to you all soon!
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cportwine
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 14 January 2009 10:12 pm |
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Glad you got the finances figured out. What a relief... or at least thats how I always feel.
I understand how your husband feels, but I am the same way. I try to keep things under wraps, but I suck at that. And I like to talk as well. Plus, all the things I talk about usually effect my weight in one way or another.
I also worry about other people finding this and reading it. Who knows, I might of said something about them or someone else. It would be bad.... bad.....lol So, I hope that don't happen. I don't tell anyone the site that I use because of that. I just tell them a diet forum.
If it makes your husband feel any better, then you should tell him that most of us on here that listen to you, truly do care and are trying to help you, not judge you. That's why most of come on here. We don't have to own up to anyone or be judged. I mean really I could pass you on the street and I would not even know it. So what's the harm... But, you never know. I just seen a lady that lives close to me, that comes on here, not that long ago and even seen her at walmart the other day, lol. Bizarre huh?
Anyway, your diet sounds like it's kind of calmed along with you. That's good. Sometime when things go to fast it can mess us up.
Well, you take care and get to exercising...lol
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mj36
Senior Member
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Posted: 15 January 2009 12:29 am |
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I really do understand your husband's point, and I do worry about that too. I mean, we all share so much of ourselves, and those who are members would never abuse the information that is here, but others are out there. However, I also think that the finances have had a big impact on your motivation and eating lately, so maybe sharing general concerns about the issues would make Davey feel better and still meet your needs.
The tooth thing sounds painful but at least it is gone and you can heal. Don't rush yourself back to exercise, it will all come in time!
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 16 January 2009 02:03 am |
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i ended the day going way over on calories. i think i am up at about 1800. I was great all day, until like 4pm, then i just wanted to eat. I tried to eat today, I had a nice breakfast laid out, the dogs ate it when i was prepping the fireplace! So, i got busy and didnt eat until like 2 and that was ok. It was after we decided what we were having for dinner that i let it go. I ended up eating a peanut butter sandwich, then i had a bag of pretzels, 9 mini muskateer candy bars, and then i had an avocado and hard boiled egg for dinner with an orange. Go figure how it falls off the wagon.
I ran around the room for 10 minutes, I did squats, I then did my yoga tape to chill out. It was not the best day for me. I just felt kinda blah...i talked to my aunt jane from PA, she had called me a few days ago..and the subject of xmas presents at mom and dads came up, and had we gotten them...and that unfolded all that #%@&! that i didnt really want to bring up but she needed to know, she needed to see why madeline isnt seeing them right now. I dont think she understood since she is a gramma and she has her gkids all the time. The family back in PA is very close, all of them appear to get along...so its not the same there at all. I know it will get back to my dad, but oh well. So, maybe that made me binge.
Tomorrow is another day. I will get it back, I wont eat anymore tonite, we are discussing getting into the hot tub for a while after we lay baby down then watching some austin powers movies. Its hard not to eat if he eats though, so keep me strong diary! and friends!
I will get my motivation back to work out. I think I am mentally and physically just beat this week, it has been two months of struggle and i am still coming down. I had to write all 10 creditors a letter stating hardship and a change of address to the company who is settling for me. That was a bit of a saddness for me, I cried doing it because i am ashamed it happened. These people give you something and it shouldnt be abused and somehow i feel it was abused. Not intentionally but it still happened. This too shall pass, and the other thing is that D is pushing for the vacation to Ca. NOT LIKE I DONT WANT TO GO TOO???? as it is its being pushed back a couple of weeks due to change of plans with sis, and her coming down. I say push it back, as it will give us time to save more cash. Life living on cash, a new frontier........
Tomorrow we get paid, may it be enough to pay the mortgage at least!!! This too shall pass.
I also wrote my gramma. I guess I am trying to explain myself? for not going over holidays and not calling or visiting.....or maybe just to let her know we are here and i think of her often. Just to be thoughtful. Who writes a letter by hand to say hello anymore? D laughed at me when i told him and said "i think i forgot how to write a letter!"
I have been thinking about painting again. I have canvas but no paint. Something to plan ahead for. I have so many awesome scenery photos that I can transfer to a canvas and make lovely. In time bj in time there will be money to do that.
ok guys, good nite for now...talk to you all tomorrow! hugs
ps, my weigh in today was at 183-4. Floppin back and forth....so maybe 183.5?
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mj36
Senior Member
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Posted: 16 January 2009 04:14 am |
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Well, I think you are probably right that dealing with the family situation contributed to the binge. Sometimes just being tired can do it for me, not to mention when I am stressed or rushing. It is only one day, and you will get back on track I am sure.
I know it was hard to write those letters, but you will still be honoring your commitment to the company, under a new agreement. If you had filed bankruptcy, then they would get nothing, but now they at least get something and the debt gets resolved. I think it is a fair settlement. You did not set out to be in a financial bind and are trying to make it right the best way you can.
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 16 January 2009 03:34 pm |
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thanks mj36. I needed to hear that kind word from you as you always bring me back down from the feeling bad cloud i sometimes get stuck on. I went way overboard yesterday, but i am going to get control back today. I have too.
I need to go get baby up, talk later! Have a great day!
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BEC950
Senior Member
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Posted: 16 January 2009 04:18 pm |
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I am glad to see that you are starting to feel better about your finances. Stress can reek (is that the right spelling??) havoc on our diets
I hope you can put it all behind you now and focus on your diet some more. Once you lose the weight you'll be able to handle stress a lot better too.
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 16 January 2009 06:59 pm |
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thanks bec! i appreciate the support and YES YES YES i do FEEL BETTER having gotten a solution to the financial troubles.
i havnt worked out much this week. i think my brain is tired, along with my body. I just get so strung so easily about any little financial and family thing. Its a real drag but it is my personality. I try to stop it or control it, but It Is very Hard for me to do. I pray that this will be the next step to improving the finances and getting us on track. Last year was just so difficult and so many changes for both of us.
Its a new year! Its a new experience! I cant wait to see what the year brings for all of us!
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 16 January 2009 07:12 pm |
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its friday. i havent done much except pay the bills, keep madeline happy and try to let my mind relax a little. Of course we are still behind on the mortgage, but we paid jan today, so that is one step in the right direction. We wont be fully caught up till taxes I am sure but one step at a time. I know we have another few months of strain in regards to finances, but once we are set up and moving on payments again all will ease up.
madeline is being pretty good today, she appears to be endlessly hungry, she munches all day and just plays and has a generally good time. I am lucky that she is a pretty good kid. I need to be a better mom though, need to work on the patience for her and her age. The patience is the hardest....whew. Some days are so easy and some are like...woah...who is this kid?!?! i am happy that its friday, dad is working tomorrow and then we have daddy home for two days and that always helps. It gives me a break you know?
I still havent heard anything from my parents. After yesterday and talking with my aunt, I dont know what will happen next. I dont know if I care. I am watching my emotions and sure I miss my parents, but dam if i miss the drama. I am adjusting to Not seeing them, i miss them, but they are not the way they used to be.....so really i am better off to leave them alone. IN talking with my aunt, she mentioned to me the guilt line...BUT WHAT ABOUT MADELINE? DOESNT SHE MISS THEM?
What can I say to that? She misses her stuffed animals and her toys too! I dont know if she misses them or not for sure....how would i know? BUt darn it if i will let that wear me down and then take her to see them.....it is not worth it. It is not worth it.
I am not alone though i have D to support my opinions and wishes and i will get stronger each day......I will I will I will!!!
Its nice out today, but i dont know about going anywhere....you know? i am just being a bum. I know. But cant I do that sometimes? i am not eating anything, I am just relaxing.
I came in at 183 today, yay. I am very happy!!! I dont mind losing slow, it will stay off that way....or at least we can hope for that. :)
Have a great weekend everyone!!!
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 17 January 2009 03:12 pm |
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ok the weight jumped back up today to 184.3. (i am going to take an average every saturday based on the previous sat and each day till that day and submit that on the challenge. Perhaps that will keep me more sane...) As for the gain from yesterday to today, I know its the salty greek salad i had and the 2 slices of pepperoni pizza from last nites treat we got. I also worked out, so go figure. It seems to me when i do workout, my weight goes back up. Am I defeating my body, is my body better served just dieting and not exercising too? i dont know why it seems to be going that way for me. I work out each day before and the weight climbed or stayed where it was and as soon as i cut back on it the weight starts to fall. Maybe I need to lose the weight then start working out? ha, yeah that makes NO SENSE at all bj!
I will be ok. It is what it is. I havent had pizza in a while, it is not something I do anymore, since we live so far out of town delivery is not an option. As it is we get this pizza in ABQ and D brings it home. We settle for what is available i suppose.
I have to go grocery shopping, but i just dont feel like it now. I am kinda bummed about the jump back up. Now i dont wanna eat again. I know I am hurting myself to say that, and I swore I would say something nice about myself every day....
Hmmm....something nice...nope...nothing there at the moment.
Maybe i will try again later.
I have a bit of a headache. I had this wierd dream that my parents were trying to steal madeline from me. My brother J had mentioned that when parents are unfit, you know the grandparents have gotten the kid before. He told me that in that last conversation. He asked me about the not speaking to dad stuff and asked if i was doing drugs since i seem to be reclusing myself and worrying mom and dad....then brought up if gparents feel the mother or father is unfit they can fight for custody.
Good lord, now i am dreaming its happening. Dam it.
It has to go away. I dont want this to be this way anymore. D said that now that I was no longer concerned about the credit....i will just find something else, now i will go back to worrying about my parents.
IS THAT REALLY WHAT I DO? am i that "off"? right now??? Am i really that pathetic?
Ok, i was Supposed to FIND SOMETHING GOOD....instead i am spiraling. Can i go back to bed? why am i being emotional, why am i crying? dam dam dam dam dam dam
Last edited on 17 January 2009 10:59 pm by BJD74
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 17 January 2009 10:12 pm |
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ok i worked out!
3 mile fat burner workout and 20 minute yoga right after. just under 1 hour total.
Now I am taking a hot bath with patchouli oils, it smells scrumptuous.
I had the left over greek salad for lunch, maybe a whole cup at that. My tummy has been acting up today, so I am not that hungry. I am drinking my water though! I have already had most of my daily requirments in water, that is a good thing!
I also started on the sam-E complete support today, i had read it helps for moods, and well lets be honest, my moods fluctuate so greatly, I thought i may give it a try. Its supposed to be a nautral item in our bodies and this just adds to it...we will see. Its not a diet drug, its a mood and joint helper. Hmm....cant hurt right? But I am going to watch and see how it makes the weight change, if at all.
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mj36
Senior Member
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Posted: 19 January 2009 03:34 am |
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Well, I was too busy to check on journals the last few days, so I had a little reading to do. That was mean and spiteful of your brother to make those comments. It is your choice who gets to see and speak to your child, and to make comments about custody because of that is so cruel! In most states, it is really hard to take custody away from a parent without demonstrating abuse or neglect, so forget those mean comments and just go on taking care of you and your little one. You are getting your body in shape, have a plan for your finances, and from what I can tell a wonderful man by your side. That should help you chase away those bad dreams!
Now, I have noticed the little jump now and again when I exercise, and it makes me insane. How could I work out and GAIN? And don't tell me it's muscle, it's the next day that it happens! Anyway, what I did notice over time, is that sometimes it bounces around a bit, but that in the end, if I stick to my routine, the scale goes down. SO try to focus on sticking to your exercise routine and I am sure your scale will show the results! I am going to do a Leslie tape tomorrow. I get lazy and do the elliptical too much when I am reading a good back as it has a holder, but tomorrow is a Leslie bu.t.t-kicking day for sure!
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 20 January 2009 03:11 pm |
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ug ug ug....this weekend went to #%@&!.
we gave away one of our dogs, he was getting to be too much of a hassle, he was always trying to "hump" our two sisters and he was pushy, aggressive etc...and we just made a choice to simplify on sunday. of course its right, but i never donated a dog to the shelter in my life. I am feeling emotions still but its better today. Of course we miss him, he was a good dog, but the constant being on the girls was too much, and then he just had to be the center..i prayed and prayed he will get a good home next, we saved him from dying and brought him to healthy again, now its time for him to find a single dog home so he can be the center. I was down on sunday though and monday too. Then i woke up monday with a 2nd period for the month of january, not too fun on our anniversary, sort of a buzz kill! And the headache and chocolate wishes .....well, you all can imagine, i let it go. It just overwhelmed me like a big ocean wave...and i let it take me.
I will pay for it for the next few weeks I am sure. I think I ate about 2000 calories yesterday and on sunday too. I started strong sunday, but it went downhill when he took T and that darn puppy that showed up in the yard out of the blue away to the shelter.
I managed to do my yoga sunday, watching the Eagles get beat! Then yesterday we took a 2.5 mile walk outside here in the foothills.....that was nice, but we were both quiet. Madeline was kinda wondering where the puppy and T went, but how do you really explain that we needed to simplify our lives? so i told her daddy went to give them to families who needed them more than us. (LORD I JUST HOPE THAT IS TRUE AND THAT BAD PEOPLE DONT GET THEM) I realize you have to let them go when you give them away and hope they get what you would like them to have..but its hard nonetheless.
So, its tuesday and i am afraid to step on the scale, but i must. Ok its back to 186.
WHAT THE HECK DO I EXPECT?
up two for the period, the overeating, the sadness, the emotions of PMS that rock me now. ugh.
{I admit having one less dog is nicer, it has simplified things already today and the day hasnt even started yet! I feel badly saying that, and I am a humanitarian, I dont believe in leaving any dogs behind, i would have a shelter if i could...but when they are the one who has to be in control, it is too much. God forgive me for giving this good dog away, and please find him a good home to live a long life in.}
OK so, How to get back on track?
i made that bone in ham, just steamed in the crockpot in water. It is SO FATTY AND SOO SALTY. I had a serving last nite, but by the end, i was so done...i just wont go back for more, that is all for D. I didnt care for it. I was hoping it would be nice and dry and not too salty....Good thing I have lots of frozen fish to make for me while he goes thru this ham!!!
Its just another transition. When will it stop, at least for a day? Its all just too much, the dieting struggles, the money struggles, the animal struggles, the family struggles, when is it enough? I know God never gives us more than we can handle...so he must think we are pretty capable of handling a LOAD of #%@&! since we just keep getting it heaved in front of us at every turn!
Now he wants to lower the price on the blazer, from 4500 to 3800 to sell it fast to get money. This is his toy, his pride that he rebuilt from the ground up. He said it is time to get rid of the toys, that toys are not a priority and he needs to simplify HIS life too. I told him i support his choice, as long as his hard work, and time can be sold for less than he planned. I cant tell you it wouldnt be appreciated, and i do love the blazer, but my dream is to have a Jeep Wrangler, with the big wheels and raised and all new and pretty. We will get there one day. :)
I dont know what today is gonna be like. I need to do something with that greasy ham. He wants a cabbage soup, so I guess I will do that! Other than that, just get back into a routine.
Do weekend throw me out since he is home and i let my guards to eating well soften or is it that we just encounter a lot of drama on weekends...or what> i cant put a finger on it. Gotta work that out.
BLAH.
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 20 January 2009 03:14 pm |
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in watching the football this weekend that darn family of mine, or the family i wished it were came into my head. the eagles are my brothers team and the rest of us like them too.....since we are all PA'ers......when they lost i wanted to call and console and tease him but i refrained....
then the steelers won the game and now they are goin to the superbowl, but who do i call to share happy news? my parents? my aunt jane? brothers? ahhhh for what? to have a five minute recap and then jump right into MAdeline? not worth it. It would be nice to have a family to call and celebrate victory with...but thats just not so easy in my world. So, we took out our towels and we spun them over our heads and did our own victory dances here at the house...
:) i am learning... :)
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BJD74
Senior Member
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Posted: 20 January 2009 07:53 pm |
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been an ok day so far, just kinda blew up at M for a second, then we both calmed down and cleaned her room together. She took all her toys out of their areas in order to look for her cardinal birdie stuffed animal..we were looking at stickers she has and naming the items. I had no idea she was going mental trying to find the darn bird, i knew exactly where it was, she just went about tearing her room down to find it! to no avail! i couldnt see the floor! but i laid her down for her nap with a hug and love yous so all is fine. she is working this week on cleaning up after herself, and putting her toys back where they came from, and not taking everything out at her whim...to focus on one game or toy or thing at a time.
i am ok today, got back on the scale, its down to 185. Ok, that is fine. I move on. I also parted out the ham, and got a soup goin in the crock. I decided not to use the water the ham cooked in, it was so fatty. I started with shredded ham, cabbage, onion, some red potatoes for flavor and some seasoning. Nothing special, but D will enjoy it for days. its funny what he does like! He loves cabbage soups....with any kind of meat...but he isnt a fan of salad too much...wierd, i know. keeps me challenged. I pulled some of it to keep for snacking when is not that hungry.
washed clothes today, and have been here on the computer looking things up, writing letters, just veggin in my head. We talked to the shelter, it looks like T got a home already! that makes me feel much better. Good thing we called with info about him since they would have had to wait to let him go without it until Thursday so they could ensure he wouldnt get picked up by owners..I am better about it now. I will miss him, and pray he is happy!
The girls, J and Z seem ok too, they are sleeping in the front window in the sun. Tough life I say, must be hard to be a dog!
I am going to workout, thinking the bowflex since i am watching the Inauguration of President Obama. I never took such an active part in politics before, maybe since i am older and have more to consider in what happens to me now. Who knows, but we have been watching since the primaries, rootin for Obama, I am so happy to see him win! I think he will bring us good things as a country and as the people. :)
In fact I am missing his talking now, gotta go....:)
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mj36
Senior Member
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Posted: 21 January 2009 01:03 am |
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I have a harder time on the weekends too. My schedule gets out of whack, and while I am trying to wind down and relax I can tend to lose my focus. I always have to go into each day, weekends included, with my plan for eating for the day. Mostly, this seems to keep me on track.
Good for you for making your own victory dance for your team and having a mini celebration. Don't wallow in sadness about your family- try to accept their limitations and build your own happiness as you have been doing!
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