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Infinite Disguise in the City of Angels
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cportwine
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Joined: 24 March 2008
Location: Muscoda, Wisconsin USA
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  Posted: 1 October 2009 07:23 pm
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Sounds like you are making progress. Hope I will get to say the same tomorrow. Mac and cheese- I only let myself have it if I put a can tuna on it. Which I love, so not a problem for me. The noodles thing in general is hard for me. I actually think that is why I have been up in weight lately cause I have had allot of noodles over the last few weeks.

Anyway, here's to all us for making better choices....:martini:
Terabyte
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  Posted: 2 October 2009 06:41 pm
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Well, I had a good day yesterday staying away from my vices all through the day--I ate a lot of healthy stuff too: broccoli, strawberries, cottage cheese, peanut butter, honey, nut, whole wheat bread, dark chocolate, Smart Start cereal.  And I did some yoga, some toning, and walked for almost 2.5 miles.  The Vice Busting Diet does NOT have you count calories, so I don't know how many calories I ate and I did NOT weigh myself this morning, but I did wake up andwent for a 1.5 mile walk AND was produtive and brought my car in for an oil change, so it seems like I have more energy.  Before on my days off, I would usually spend a lot of time "zoning out" watching movies or TV, especially after waking, be real lazy, so I am happy that I have upped my energy levels, that's great! 

I guess I also have 3 pounds less bulk to haul around, so that is cool, and my body is actually smaller, albeit only by 1.5 inches, but still!  That's a little bit of a different shape. 

Terabyte
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  Posted: 2 October 2009 06:45 pm
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Cindy: Amen to that! 

Sometimes a little really goes a long way, for good or for bad!  I am REALLY happy I got some pretty good results after just a week of following this Vice Busting thing.  And really, the first 7 days, all I did was just drink water or tea for beverages, NOTHING else, and walked around the block in the morning and do some toning and yoga, and I mean very little toning and yoga, like 5 - 15 minutes tops and I got a  3-pound, 1.5-inch loss! 

 
Terabyte
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  Posted: 3 October 2009 02:58 am
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I think I am finished with my calorie consumption for the day.  I was proud of myself that I did not indulge in any of my food vices today.  I don't think my calorie count was particularly low, but I did stay away from my food vices.  :cool:

 

Today was a day off for me (since I work tomorrow I took today off), and typically on a day off I will consume a whole medium pizza and a pint of ice cream for lunch.  (Disgusting, isn't it?)  And I didn't today, I had some chicken strips, some pasta with veggies and some bread instead.   And an ice cream sandwich.  It's not the BEST choice, I mean I could have replace the pizza and pint of ice cream with a salad, but at least what I picked had veggies and less calories. 

I also had some drie aproicots for breakfast which was good and I had some granola cereal for dinner.  I am not counting calories according to my plan, bt I would imagine I topped out somewhere arond 2700, which is definitely less than I would hae topped out at if I had the usally Pizza N Pint! 

I also had two serings of green tea and have been drinking plenty of water.  I need to get in abot 15 more ounces before bedtime!  Actually I like to cut off my fluids 2 hours before bedtime so that I don't have to get up in the middle of the night to pee!)

Oh yeah, and I did some arm and leg toning exercises as well as walking almost 4 miles.

And did some yoga.

 
Terabyte
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  Posted: 3 October 2009 03:49 pm
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Wow it was hard not to jump on the scale this morning, but I DIDN'T DO IT!!!   (yes!)

:cool:

Also, I felt proud yesterday on the way home from the store, I stopped at my neighbor's house to chat with him and his dog for a little bit and he looked at what I had bought and he said "healthy stuff!"  That felt nice.  I had bought some granola, string cheese, cottage cheese, milk, nectarines, radishes, and yogurt
Terabyte
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  Posted: 6 October 2009 05:21 pm
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I weighed in at 162.6 this morning.  Blech!!!  Did some squats and a little aerobic workout.  Sheesh, I am out of shape!  That little workout made me feel nauseated!  Oh well--at least I got a workout in but that was a pretty big sign that I need to do more cardio! 
Terabyte
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  Posted: 6 October 2009 05:28 pm
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And another thing--I hate being heavier because it makes me not want to date or even go out because I feel so ashamed of my appearance!  It SUCKS!!!!  
Terabyte
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  Posted: 7 October 2009 03:02 am
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I had the day off work, so I took advantage of the free time and exercised a lot at least a lot for me!  I did the following:

-17 minutes of yoga

-20 minutess aerobic exercise  (I NEVER do aerobic exercise)

-walk in the morning (about .75 miles)

-16 minutes of strength exercises

 

This may not seem like a lot of exercise toy you, but to me it IS!  That is about an hour of time set aside to exercise.  I haven't set aside extended periods of time to exercise since almost a decade ago.  I have to say, it feels pretty great to move your body.  My resting heart rate is abot 75 which is normal but I'd love to get it down to 50 or 60. 

I did NOT stay away from my vice of fast food today, but I did only consume about 1600 calories today and I had yogurt for breakfast, which is pretty healthy. 

I did a good job drinking all my neede water today.

I am really hoping to see a drop in the scale tomorrow after all this work!  I know my plan doesn't want me to weigh in every day, nor does it want me to eat fast food, but oh well, I am not perfect.

The way I figure, I want 3 main things from my diet/exercise routine:

1) To have a nice, lean attractive body

2) To have a good amount of energy, feel vital, full of life, etc.

3) To feel generally positive

 

So, if my diet and exercise plan is resulting in these things, then I will just keep doing what I am doing, even if what I am doing is not considered "correct" according to any particular plan. 

 
Terabyte
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  Posted: 7 October 2009 03:18 am
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Now it's 7:15pm, and I am feeling kind of snacky.  Truly, 7:00pm - 10:00pm is my snacking time.  I need to get in the new habit of NOT snacking in the evening.  This is where a lot of my extra calorie come from.  I could easily eat another 500 calories more than I meant to in the day just by evening snacking. 

Terabyte
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  Posted: 7 October 2009 02:51 pm
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I did not snack at all last night after my light dinner (string cheese). 

This morning's weigh-in was 161.2 # :down_arrow: with body fat of 33.4% :down_arrow:.   Tomorrow I will be taking my measurements. 

I am hoping to hold a funeral for the 160s within the next few days.  (I forget who coined that phrase, but it was somebody on here).  Actually, it won't be a funeral, it will be more like a wake, because I plan to celebrate it big time!   I will buy myself a new outfit. 

I still haven't started bleeding and it is Day 29 of my cycle.  I feel SO full and heavy!  I am definitely ready to see some blood!

 

 
Terabyte
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  Posted: 7 October 2009 06:19 pm
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I started bleeding right before I left for work.  Now I can get all cleaned out and ready for another round of useless egg production!  :tongue:   I am very relieved though that the blood is finally coming--I get so heavy and full if my period is later.  I seriously feel like I am ready to pop.  As soon as I start bleeding it's like a great feeling of release.

I had raisins for breakfast, which were great.  I need to buy more raisins.  I think that was my last box.  I also had a radish for a midmorning snack.   I plan on having a big, delicious indulgent lunch, so I am bugdeting my calories around that.  I would like to keep it no higher than 1600 for the day. 

 
Terabyte
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  Posted: 7 October 2009 10:12 pm
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Wow, I just finished a GREAT lunch (calzone and Pop-Tarts for dessert :grin:) and I am full and happy.  I have eaten about 1400 calories today, so I can only have 200 more.  My dinner is going to be string cheese for about 100 calories, so I could have one more 100 calorie treat between now and dinner.  I am sort of hoping to just make it to dinner, eat the string cheese and then be done with it, finishing off at just under 1500 calories for the day.  It's already 2:11pm, I am off work at 4:00pm, so it is doubtful I will snack on anything between now and the time I leave work.

Now, to get some work done!

 
Terabyte
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  Posted: 8 October 2009 12:02 am
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Yay, I made it through the end of the workday without eating anything else except some gum (which I technically didn't eat, but I know there's about 5 calories in a piece of gum!)

So, I should finish my day out strong with 1500 calories!

I am getting a pedicure too from my friend when I get home.  Bright blue.

 
Terabyte
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  Posted: 8 October 2009 04:51 am
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I did not get my toes blue, I got them black and orange instead for Halloween.  Another woman was there, getting her toes done, and she looked at my toes admiringly.

"I should get that done," she said, "That's cute like that."

"Do it," I told her. 

Then she looked doubtful.  "I don't know," she said, "I work in an office."

"So do I!" I said.  She decided to get black with orange polka dots.  I thought it was  good choice.  Who decided that reds and pinks were the "acceptable" nail colors anyway?  We're already painting them, we might as well have some fun with it.

 
Terabyte
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  Posted: 8 October 2009 05:03 am
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I successfully finished my day with eating just around 1500 calories. 

I walked  lot today, I ended up walking about 5 miles altogether.  I also did 14 minutes of yoga and about 8 minutes of strength training. 

I am looking forward to my weigh-in and measurements tomorrow with great anticipation. 

Terabyte
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  Posted: 8 October 2009 02:30 pm
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#%@&!, I lost a post.  I ate one piece of dark chocolate after that last post, putting me at 1550 for the day. 

This morning, the scale showed a pretty drastic drop OUT of the 160s (praise the Lord) and down to 158.8!!!!   I am so glad that I banished those ugly 160s off my body and scale.  In another .6 pounds, I will have lost 5 pounds. 

I already feel like I have more energy.  I don't need as much sleep--I am averaging about 7 hours now instead of 8, which is fantastic! 

Well, the sun is about to rise, so I am about to take my morning walk.  According to ayurvedic medicine, it is very healthy to take a walk outside an take some nice deep breaths in the morning around dawn, as there is a high level of sattva around that you can absorb.  Sattva is a subtle energy that is calm and peaceful and has a trascendent quality. 

 
Terabyte
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  Posted: 9 October 2009 03:13 pm
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I had a great day yesterday calorie-wise.  I ate about 1600 calories.

This morning I weighed 159.4 pounds :up_arrow: with a body fat of 33.4%:up_arrow:    I also forgot to mention that my measurements had all INCREASED except for one that stayed the same (hips, I think).  Of course I would have preferred for my measurements to have decreased (except for my chest lol) and of course I would have liked to see another drop in weight today, BUT I am still very happy that my weight is now out of the 160s, and even with this little gain this morning, I am still in the 150s.  So YAY!

I have been having a somewhat irritating and scary experiencing with someone texting me anonymously using an application called textfreel.us (which I believe is used with Iphones and Ipods).  It started about three months ago, I started getting weird texts wherein the sender was just a four digit number and then when I opened the text it would be from somebody with a common whiteboy name like Dave or Chris or John.  I grew more concerned as the people refused to identify themselves but told me things like what I looked like, what I was wearing the day before, when I had changed my hair color, etc.  Last night, it finally escalated to the point where he told me that he wanted to have sex with me (in WAY cruder language than that) and that I should come to my door because he was at my door.  I got a knife from the kitchen (I honestly would have no qualms about killing somebody if they had intentions of hurting me/raping me/killing me) and went to the door and no one was there.  I live in a very small, gated apartment complex.  There are only five other apartments besides mine.  I went to the gate and it was locked and no one was on the street.

I texted back the stalker weirdo and said who are you?  Identify yourself, and he admitted he was one of my neighbors and that he lived in the complex, and he really wanted to have sex with me and would I let him in if he came over right now?

I told him #%@&! no you are stalking me and I am saving these texts and if I have to get police involved I most definitely will.  He told me he didn't want me to "tell on him" and he didn't want to "get in trouble." 

There are 2 teen boys who live in my complex, and I am almost 100% sure it's one of them and not one of the older dudes who live in my complex.  Both of these boys are usually polite--i.e. they open the gate for me, they will help me carry stuff if I am lugging something heavy, and they say good morning good evening, etc.  BUT I do notice they are always staring at me and checking me out and when I am sunbathing they always find a reason to go in and out of the complex and walk by me.  So it's gotta be one of them.  I felt relieved to basically figure it out, because this anonymous texting has gone on for about 3.5 months now.  And I was happy that it was just some dumb horny teenager doing it.  But come on, how stupid!   That is totally lame to try and get at your sexy neighbor that way--did he really think he was going to be successful, that I was going to open the door, let him in and then fulfill all his sexual fantasies like Mrs. Robinson or something?  Yeesh! 

Well, I am off to take my morning walk. 

 
Terabyte
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  Posted: 10 October 2009 03:02 am
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All right!  I am done with my calorie consuming for the day--I am pretty much just at 1600, which is great, and I walked over 3 miles today.  Very short session of yoga and strength training, just about 5 minutes.  I have a carnival my work is putting on tomorrow for the kids, so that should be fun.  I need to look up the calories in carnival food, because I plan on enjoying a burger and and a caramel apple tomorrow. 
Terabyte
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  Posted: 10 October 2009 03:14 am
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Whoa, I ate a piece of dark chocolate, so I am at 1630, which is still fine with me.  I need to make sure nothing else goes in my face until I go to bed though! 
Terabyte
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  Posted: 10 October 2009 02:41 pm
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Weigh-in this morning revealed that I weigh 159.4 (same as yesterday) with a body fat perentage of 33.2%.  Of course, I would have liked to see my weight a little lower, but that's ok!  Again, I am still just VERY glad to be out of the 160s.

On another note, I suddenly got hives yesterday at about noon.  I have been taking Benadryl but man!  I am so itchy!  I have no idea what caused it.  I have gotten them before, I think three times before, and I didn't know what caused them then either.

My skin is pretty dark (well, olive) so luckily on my arms and legs you can't really see them, but on lighter parts, like my chest, you can see them.  I am hoping they go away soon!  They are super irritating!  And I don't know what the devil caused them!  Grrrrr! 

Terabyte
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  Posted: 11 October 2009 07:10 am
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Had a great time at the carnival yesterday.  I ran the cotton candy machine with my friend's daighter, and it was really fun.  All the kids had a great time, and we probably made about 200 cones altogether.  I walked over 4 miles and spent about 3 hours on my feet making the cotton candy, so I think I burned a lot of calories!

I stocked up on calamine lotion and Benadryl in order to help with these stupid hives. I think they are stress-related, maybe due to that stalker thing.  That WAS really scary! 

zenobia
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  Posted: 11 October 2009 10:05 am
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yeah, that is totally scary.  i would at least let soemone know incase something does happen.  i mean, if the cops won't do anything about it, or you don't really care to get them involved, let your landlord know or something, just in case...  weird stuff would always happen to me at work, or on my way to work (weird phone calls from people while i was working, getting propositioned in the parking lot, weirdos exposing themselves at me... yeah, it's all happened) and if it happend while i was at work, my boss (who was a really great guy) would make me call the police, just in case something happened on my way home, or a week later, or whatever.

you don't know if it was one of those kids for sure or not, and you  don't know if those kids are psycho or not (you know, it always ends up being the polite ones...).  so i would just be on the safe side and let some authority figure know.
Terabyte
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  Posted: 11 October 2009 05:03 pm
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You know, that is a good idea.  I will at least tell my landlord. And a police report is probably a good idea too.  I mean, I obviously won't be able to give them a name, but if something does happen or I come up missing someday or something, they may be able to use that as a lead.  Because you are right, I don't know for sure who it is, and even if it is just one of those horny teenagers, who's to say they aren't capable of something horrible?  Sometimes a horny young man is dangerous, especially when he's not getting his way!!! 

 

++++++++++++++++++++

In other news, the scale said that I weigh 159 pounds with 33.2% body fat.  I am still SO happy to just be out of the 160s!  AND I had a drop in weight after attending a carnival and being around so many temtiing-calorie laden foods: cotton candy (heck I was RUNNING the cotton candy machine!), burgers, hot dogs, chips, buttery oily delicious popcorn, snow cones, churros, etc.  I DID indulge in a cone of cotton candy, and I enjoyed a cheeseburger and some potato chips, but I still came out all right! 

<3   <3    <3 

And in still other news, I have a new consort, let's call him Mr. Natural.  I met him at a party in the park a few weeks ago, and when I first saw him I thought WOW, he is beautiful.  So I just sat down next to him and introduced myself, had a great conversation with him, hung out with him for the rest of the day, and I think he's pretty cool.  He is WAAAAAY younger than me--like 13 years younger than me!  I have never dated anyone that much younger than me, but it feels pretty good!  (here's to you, Mrs. Robinson)....  and it's funny, you know how when you date someone younger than you, they don't get a lot of your referenes, but he gets all of mine.  So that is pretty cool.

Terabyte
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  Posted: 12 October 2009 02:22 pm
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YAY!  The scale said 158 this morning, so I have officially dropped 5 pounds!  (I had creeped up to 163.2 as of about 2.5 weeks ago.)  So I must say I feel much better and I do have noticeably more energy, even with taking the dang Bendadryl all weekend to help with my hives.  The hives are going away by the way, which I am very happy about.

I did end up reporting the stalker to my landlord, and she stated she would make a note of it but there was nothing she could really do.  I told her I just wanted her to know in case I went missing or something.  BUT then my landlord told me that she thought I should know neighbors have been calling her and complaining that I have "lots of men coming over all hours of the day and night" and they "wonder what I do for a living." :shock:

 

I was mad  :angry:

 

I told my landlord I am a licensed clinica social worker, I work with kids in foster care, I have been with the same agency for 6 years and I would be happy to enclose a paystub with my next rent check.  She said don't worry about it, she wasn't concerned.   

 

I live with a bunch of Nosey Nelies!  Gladys Kravitzes with nothing better to do than oberve me.  SHEESH   :shock:
Terabyte
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  Posted: 12 October 2009 02:25 pm
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Oh and I did try to report the stalking to the police and they said since I had responded to the texts, they couldn't do anything.  They said if you tell the dude to stop and he keeps doing it then come back in here and file something. And the cops were really rude and acted annoyed when I walked in and interrupted their big day of doing nothing.  They literally rolled their eyes when I walked in.  Jerks!  And I'm a white woman too, can you imagine how they would have treated me if I was a black male?  Jesus.
MidgeH
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  Posted: 12 October 2009 06:53 pm
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The only good thing about the nosey neighbors is that if anything does happen they'll probably see it! 

Scary stuff.   What in the world does you replying to the texts have to do with anything?  Like you were encouraging it?  Dumb on the cops part. 

Terabyte
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  Posted: 12 October 2009 07:17 pm
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Well, I reported it to Textfree as well, and hopefully they will get back to me and let me know something.  I will be following up with them if I don't hear back from them by the end of the day today.

I am doing great on my food so far though, I had a granola bar for breakfast and yogurt for a snack (350 calories so far).  I plan on having an indulgent lunch and then a light dinner.  I haven't decided yet what I want for lunch, but I am thinking Mexican.  :yum:
Terabyte
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  Posted: 13 October 2009 01:01 am
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I ate a lot of calories for lunch, but I am still within my daily allowance as long as I have  a very light dinner.  I was planning on having string cheese and a piece of dark chocolate. 

Work is almost done for the day, thankfully.  I have to finish some notes and then I have one more home visit at 6:00pm. 

 
Terabyte
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  Posted: 14 October 2009 09:06 pm
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Weigh-in this morning was 158 even after consuming about 1750 calories yesterday.

I plan on consuming around 1650 today.  I am hoping to bust past 158 tomorrow. I have walked about 2 miles today, am doing laundry, did some push-ups and some yoga.  Later in the afternoon I am seeing a client in Palmdale (about 1.5 hours away) so I will get to enjoy some nice driving through pretty, nature-filled areas. 

I am thinking of buying a house.  I have wanted a house for a while now, but never really got up the nerve to actually look because I always thought of houses as something you get when you are married/in a LT relationship with someone.  But then I though, to #%@&! with that, I should get what I want now, why wait?  And to be honest, that mess with my neighbors calling mylandlord and implying that I am a hooker really made me rethink where I live.  Do I want to be surrounded by such horrible, judgemental, two-faced people?  No!  Do I want to move into a house?  Yes!  And I would really like a house a little bit closer to me work, as my commute is super long. I mean, by now I am used to it, but I would sure welcome a shorter one!

So, I heard a commercial on the radio about homes that are being foreclosed on, and I called in to get a list.   I just looked at the list last night briefly, I plan to look at it more in-depth today.  I think ideally I would like to live in the Eastern part of LA CountyWestern part of San Bernardino County, like in the San Gabriel Valley. 

I have pretty good credit and a good chunk of money saved up.  I think I could really do it!

 
Terabyte
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  Posted: 16 October 2009 04:11 pm
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Weigh-in this morning: 153.8 pounds with 32.7% body fat.  Getting there!  That is such a huge drop since yesterday--I think it might be a fluke, but I'll take it!  I definitely like seeing such a low number!

I also got my hair done yesterday, and now it is a brilliant red with a few dark streaks.  I think it looks great.  The kids at work should get a kick out of it. 

I took my measurements too yesterday, but now I can't remember what they were.  I know my arms didn't change, my thighs didn't change, and my waist didn't change, but I think I lost an inch from my hips since last week.

Since I started about 5 weeks ago, I have lost .5 inches from my waist, 1 inch from my hips and .5 inches from my arms.

Terabyte
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  Posted: 18 October 2009 04:38 am
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Weight this morning was 157.2 with 33.1% body fat.  I figured yesterday's low weight was a fluke, and I was right.  I am still really pleased with my current weight though,that means I have lost 6 pounds exactly in the past approximately 5 weeks.  This is really good! 

I saw The Blue Eyed Jew in the hospital today.  He just had surgery on his intestine.  He was doing okay and hopes to go home tomorrow.  It was good to see him.  He's been having a hard time lately,well actually his whole life.  He has been struggling with Bipolar Disorder since I can remember.  He also has Crohn's disease (hence the surgery this week). 

Terabyte
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  Posted: 19 October 2009 02:57 pm
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No entry on Sunday, I was really busy having fun, lol!  This weekend I felt more like my old self again, who knows exactly why.  Maybe it was weight-related, maybe it was something else, but anyway, it was GREAT!

I went to a party on Saturday and my top advisor was there and he was being cool and nice and really complimentary.  He took me out to breakfast after the party and that was nice. He was trying to be all romantic and kissy-kissy and I just straight up told him

look--I am in love with you.  If I wasn't in love with you, I would be all over you, trust me I would comletely wreck your as.s, but since I AM in love with you, I cannot fool around with you like that because you always end up breaking my heart.  So I am sure you understand my position.  And he was very nice and compassionate and understanding after I said that but a few times I caught him looking at me with that look, you know THAT look (and I really LIKE that look by the way, unless it's from some horrible creepster guy) and at the end of the night he went to give me a goodbye kiss and I gave him The Cheek.  So that was all very nice, and it was cool to feel like I was in control of the situation around him.

At the party I also met a very cool and beautiful woman.  She reminded me of Pris from Blade Runner, so we can just call her Pris.  I do NOT have good gaydar or bidar or whatever you want to call it, but I THINK she was into me and I definitely was into her.  I met her first thing when I arrived, she was taking a nap on top of the speakers, and she woke up and smiled at me and said hello.  And then I saw her at the end of the party and we ended up talking and hanging out for about an hour in this empty pool.  She gave me her phone number and she sent me a text later in the day that said she liked beginning and ending her night with me, so that seems pretty interested, I think but you can never tell with women, although maybe I DO have good gaydar, because I am never sure if they like me but then I am always right and they do.  Yeah....  hmmmm.

:smile:

And also at the party I got to talk to one of the most beautiful men I have ever met.  HE reminds me of Gael Garcia Bernal, so can just call him Gael.  (And if you don't know who Gael Garcia Bernal is, check out his glorios visage here: http://www.worleygig.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/gael-garcia-bernal.jpg)   I used to date Gael back in the day and I remember I HATED the way he kissed.  Now he's pretty famous (in the rave scene anyway) and chicks throw themselves at him all the time, and who could blame them?  But I have kissed him recently and the years have been good to him and his skills have markedly improved.  But he was also very nice and complimentary and flirty and he wanted to kiss too but I told him no way I just did my make-up, do yo see this--lipliner and shimmer lipstick I am not going to mess it up.  I told him, just close your eyes and point and whatever woman you ended up pointing at will probably go kiss you or do whatever.  He just smiled and laughed (becase he knows it's totally true!)  and he said yes but they won't be you, and said yes there is only one me but they will be them and probably just as cool in their own way. 

shoot and THEN when I came home and took a nap, my friend called me and told me that she and her hubby think I am hot and so you can guess the next thing she said I am sure. 

I was like WOW

I am on fire today!

And weigh-in this morning was 156.4 with 32.8% body fat.  Pretty good.

 
Terabyte
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Joined: 18 November 2008
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  Posted: 20 October 2009 04:59 am
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Wow, what a day--really hectic at work.  Also, very very sadly I received word that one of the kids who was on my caseload who is 19 now was killed by the police over the weekend.  :crying::crying:

:crying:
zenobia
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Joined: 19 April 2006
Location: College Town, Arizona USA
Posts: 2549
  Posted: 20 October 2009 05:29 am
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i'm really really sorry to hear that.  take care.
Terabyte
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Joined: 18 November 2008
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  Posted: 20 October 2009 02:58 pm
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Thank you Zen.  It was and is really sad, but I guess it wasn't too surprising.  He came off my caseload when he was 16.  I worked with him from 12 - 16, so my memories of him are from when he was younger before he deteriorated.  When I knew him he was just sort of a goofy dork, into vampires and RPG video games, he was just starting to get into goth-y type stuff and I remember I made him a mixed CD of older stuff like NIN and Skinny Puppy and KMFDM and Front 242 and he thought that was so cool.  He has SOME anger issues back then, but nothing really out of the norm for a teenage boy.  He went into legal guardianship with his foster family, whom he had lived with since he was 10 or so, and he was really proud to come out of foster care and he started using the foster family's last name (though he didn't legally change it because he wasn't adopted). 

After that, I stayed in touch with the family because I had worked with them for 4 years so I heard throgh the grapevine that he was getting more and more angry and troubled as he got older.  I don't know if he got into drugs or anything, but I know that's what his mom (well, legal guardian but his mom for all intents nd purposes) always worried about.  Like he was doing meth or one of those great drugs that always improve people's lives so much. 

I don't know exctly what his deal was or why he was getting so angry.  I know his family loved him a lot and were always very accepting of his quirks and eccentricities, they never tried to make him fit into a mold or be "proper" they just had a few very basic house rules like don't hurt anyone, but other than that, they were cool with letting him be who he was.  I remember he went through a big vampire kick and he wore all black and kept his room all dark and he hung stuff on the windows so it ws DARK in there.  And he wnted to do his sessions with me in the dark and I was like ok fine that's cool whatever blows your hair back, you know?  He was probably 14 then.  And I remember his foster mom poked her head in and was like

Oh my gosh, Jimmy, are you making her meet with you in the dark?  You better tell her that is very nice of her.  (Jimmy wasn't his real name by the way)

And then later she said thank you to me privately and said are you sure you're ok with that and I said yeah, it's fine, that's his thing.  If I thought he was trying to be sexy with me or something I definitely wouldn't have done it, but he wasn't, he was just REALLY into his vampire thing, and I could dig it.  I like vampires myself and I remember doing stuff like that, #%@&! I could STILL see myself doing something like that. 

But anyway, for whatever reason, that sweet quirky dorky 14-year-old grew into a very angry and troubled young man and when he was 18 he threatened to kill his whole family over something really stupid, like he didn't get his way over something relatively small,so he was placed in a board and care facility where he just never got better.  Over the weekend he got in a fight with two other dudes at the facility (residents also) and it got to the point where the cops had to be called and then Jimmy got combative with the cops, they Tasered him, he stopped breathing and that was the end of Jimmy.  I didn't really know him once he was past 16,, so in my mind he's always just that goofy goth kid.  I know he turned into someone different as he got older, but that's how I remember him.  It's just a d.amn shame, I guess that's about the long and short of it. 

Terabyte
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Joined: 18 November 2008
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  Posted: 21 October 2009 09:18 pm
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sheesh--another really long day yesterday, lots of drama at work.  BLECH!  Today is a little bit calmer, thank God, I am actually on a lunch break which is nice.  Weigh-in this morning was 158.4 with 33.2% body fat.  Tomorrow is an official weigh-in day and I will take my measurements. 

I am happy, as I have spa treatments scheduled for after work--pedicure, a hair trim, and a scalp treatment.  I am sooooo looking forward to it!

I tried on a pair of pants that used to be too tight to wear and I can now wear them, but I have to wear a thong or else I hae VPL which isn't cool for work (for play, I don't care)

 
Terabyte
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Joined: 18 November 2008
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  Posted: 26 October 2009 02:45 pm
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I had a great weekend, hung out with Mr. Natural and that was really fun.  We watched Friday(he'd never seen it), listened to a bunch of Carlin on youtube, played guitar, took a walk, it was all really simple and really cool.  I like him, he makes me feel at peace being around him.  And he is so handsome--wow!  Bone structure, eyes, hair, he is just so attractive.

I chopped my hair too, it was so unhealthy from all the bleaching and dye and just generally me being rough with it.  I needed to start over, so now I have like a real short bob. 

I also went for a long walk with my friend Erin yesterday, and that was fun.  We took her baby with us and he is so happy and cute.  Erin has a lot of different businesses and one of them is that she runs an exotic dancing organization. I am heavily considering starting to do this to supplement my income.  I know that people will have a lot of negative things to say about this and that is to be expected.  I actually had a dream about it the other night. We'll see how things go.

Erin told me a story,she said it was a traditional Mexican parable and I liked it.  It goes like this:

Once an old man, a young boy, and their donkey were going on a long journey.  They were all walking and in the first town they came to, people gave them looks and talked openly, criticizing them for being stupid and foolish, wasting their energy walking when they could be riding the donkey.  "Obviously they are not interested in time or efficiency.  They don't know how to travel!"  

The boy and the old man felt self-conscious and thought maybe the townspeople were right.  They hadn't really even thought about riding the donkey because he was their beloved pet and they didn't view him as a pack animal, but they thought maybe the people had a point and so the old man got on the donkey and the little boy continued to walk.

They got to the next town, with the man riding the donkey and the boy walking and the people of the town once again eyed them with contempt and talked amongst themselves, loudly enough for the travelling party to hear.

"Disgraceful!" the townspeople said, "Look at how that selfish old man rides on the donkey and makes the young child walk!  How cruel!  His poor little legs must be tired.  Shame on that man!"

So the old man felt embarrassed and thought how could I be so foolish, of course I should have let the boy ride on the donkey, his legs are shorter, one of my steps is like two of his.  And how could I forget the phrase women and children first? 

The old man immediately traded places with the boy and began walking with the boy riding the donkey.

At the next town they arrived in, the people once again had bad things to say about the travelling party, this time critical of the young boy.  "What a disrespectful child!" they said.  "Making that poor old man walk while he rides the donkey like he's some bratty little king.  Hasn't he ever heard of respect for his elders? My god,what is wrong with the world today when a child gets to ride and makes a poor old man walk?"

Then the little boy felt bad for riding on the donkey and thought maybe the people were right, that he was disrespecting his elders and it must look horribly arrogant of him to be riding the donkey and making the older man walk. 

So the two travelling companions deicded they would both ride the donkey.  But, once again in the next town, the people were horrified.

"That poor creature!" the people clucked. "How could they do that to that animal? Look how tired he is, as they both ride on him like selfish jerks!  They couldn't at least take turns?  They obviously are cold-hearted, caring only for themselves !"


So the old man and the little boy both got off the donkey and started walking again, just as they had started out.  Obiously no matter what they did, people had something to say, so they just went back to their original way of doing things.  Of course at the next town, the people criticized them just like the first town.  But that old man and the boy didn't care and just walked proudly through the town with their donkey. 

cportwine
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Joined: 24 March 2008
Location: Muscoda, Wisconsin USA
Posts: 4433
  Posted: 3 November 2009 10:46 pm
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I like that story and so true that it is. I wish people didn't half to always judge other people. It's really to bad how that works...

 
Terabyte
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Joined: 18 November 2008
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  Posted: 5 November 2009 02:44 pm
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Argh, I know I have been lazy about posting!  I will try to get back on track.

Today is the final day of my period (yay!)

I am back on the Alternate Day Diet.  I keep wanting to come back to it and try it out.  I am at 160 this morning, down from 161 a week ago when I went back on the ADD. 

I am actively looking for another job.  I am dreadfully tired of the old one--it's too far away (my commute is 1.5 hours EACH WAY), I think my boss is a total swine who cares more about following protocol than what actually works and cares more about reporting big numbers to corporate than about actually making good matches.  I can honestly say that I hate her.  I really do.  I hate her with a passion.  My only wish is that I could see her get canned before I leave.  (oh please please let it happen!)

I am still seeing my new young male companion.  I think he's really cool.  I have been seeing him for about 1.5 months now, and I think he's great.  I can't make him official though, I guess he's kinda like Molly's PAG placeholder. 

desperategirl
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Joined: 15 September 2008
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  Posted: 6 November 2009 11:16 pm
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Hey, how do you feel on the 'fast' days of the ADD?  I loved the theory, but really struggled on the off days - and even woke up feeling a bit depressed on down days.  (I guess I really LOVE eating).

x
Terabyte
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Joined: 18 November 2008
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  Posted: 9 November 2009 02:38 pm
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I actually feel fine on the down days.  You aren't supposed to be feeling depressed on the down days!  Actually,the way the diet works,you're supposed to be feeling pretty #%@&! good on the down days.  I would suggest eating something nice and light, but sweet and lively on the down days, like strawberries or whatever your favorite fruit is plus some dark chocolate.  a handful of strawberries plus like one square of dark chocolate will only be what, like 100 calories? 

May I also suggest raw garlic.  It is good for the immune system but also a good mood enhancer.

As for me, I have been getting pretty good results with this round of the Alternate Day Diet.  The big secret that seems to be working for me anyway is to eat 500 or less on the down day and THEN eat whatever would come out to equal 3500 for the up day.  So, if I eat 500 on the down day, I can eat up to 3,000 on the following up day.  And like yesterday, I had 415 calorie, so I can eat 3,085 today.  I can eat even more today IF I exercise a lot.  Like on Saturday night, I went to a party and danced a LOT and burned an extra 700 calories dancing, so I ate 700 extra calories!  (Well, actually, probably abot 500 more, and then I just wasn't hungry). 

Also, my big problem on the Alternate Day Diet was that I was absolutely stuffing myself, like the point of physical pain on my up days.  I felt likeI had to eat EVERYTHING on the planet on that day and I would end up literally hurting myself.  This would also lead up to eating somewhere around 5000 calories that day, which is GARGANTUAN!!!  So, it was like a no duh moment, but it was a big deal for me.  On my up days, I just eat until I am comfortably full, no more overstuffing my poor tummy.  Like if I get a pint of Ben and Jerry's I will eat half and then eat half later in the day instead of all at once.  This has helped greatly! 

This is now Day 11 on the Alternate Day Diet (and today's an up day, YAY) and I have lost 5.8 pounds total, going from 161 to 155.6 pounds.  AND of that total weight, 4.8 pounds of it have been fat, as I went from 34.6% body fat to 32.8% in those eleven days.  Hooray! 

I will be taking my measurements on Wednesday, so that will be interesting. 

 
desperategirl
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Joined: 15 September 2008
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  Posted: 9 November 2009 07:54 pm
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That is really interesting.  Maybe I should give it a little go again.  Thanks for the tips.
Terabyte
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Joined: 18 November 2008
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  Posted: 10 November 2009 03:09 pm
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Oxytocin, seratonin and dopamine--those are the chemicals that get released when you are in love, infatuated, whatever you want to call it.  And baby, I have all three of those chemicals swirling around in my bloodstream right now.

My neighbor, whom I have always thought was hot and always briefly say hi to, was out walking his dog last night when I got home from work.  He said

hey i always see you when i am hurrying off to do something, but I'm  not doing anything right now,do you want to come in for tea?

and i said #%@&! yes!

and i spent like 2 hours with him drinking tea and playing with his dog Hunter (named after Hunter S Thompson, supersize that) and just talking, talking talking.

I woke up this morning with those great, awesome butterflies in my stomach and I thought WOW!   that feels great! I am riding this torpedo to the very end. 

So great! And he's RIGHT next door in the next complex, easy access. And he looks like Seth Green who is ten kinds of sexy to me.

cportwine
Distinguished Member


Joined: 24 March 2008
Location: Muscoda, Wisconsin USA
Posts: 4433
  Posted: 15 November 2009 03:35 pm
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:grin: Dang you are lucky to have a good looking neighbor. Even though I am married it would be nice to see a nice looking guy next door.

Hows the diet? Mine always does good when I am happy. So, come back and lets us know if you have talked to him again and what else is going on in your life. I haven't been on here much, so I am trying to catch up with everyone...


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